Article extracted from Help Me Help My Teen Supporting our teens through tough times by Maggie Dent, Macmillan Publishers, RRP $39.99
The development of the physical body, together with emerging sexual urges, novelty-seeking behaviours, rapidly changing moods and emotional states make adolescence a very challenging and interesting time. Change of any kind triggers stress, and even invisible changes can trigger stress and anxiety – especially for teens living in such unpredictable times.
Even though I am almost 70, I can still vividly remember the emotional rollercoaster of my teen years. I struggled deeply with low self-esteem, and I covered my poor sense of self with a mask when I moved into high school, as most teens do. I was an excellent student in my senior years, becoming a prefect and successfully completing my university entry exams. I took part in both school drama productions and became head girl of the boarding house – hardly the outward signs of someone with low self-esteem.
On the outside, everything looked fine, but on the inside, I was still deeply lonely and very negative towards myself. I kept people at a distance, even friends. To avoid the social scene, I spent a lot of time on my own, but little did I realise how unhealthy that was for a teenager.
These hidden insecurities came to a surface after I moved to the city for university. As I struggled to maintain my ‘I’m OK’ mask, I started self-medicating with Valium, which a doctor had prescribed for back pain as a teen. Fortunately, I did seek help from a counsellor at the university who helped me understand my emotions and that Valium was not a wise choice to manage my turmoil.
I would suggest that all teens can struggle enormously with their emotional world. Even teens who are living in safe, loving families with supportive parents can struggle deeply with the emotional ups and downs of the teen years. During my time teaching over the years, I sometimes wondered why a boy would suddenly punch a wall over something quite minor. I discovered in my counselling that teens could be drowning in the emotional sea of something that happened months ago, which others had already been considered to be resolved but was still troubling the teen. I also found that when I read a story from Chicken Soup for the Soul to a class of supposed tough students, they all had tears in their eyes and were moved by a collective emotion.
Emotion is a term that describes certain feelings and bodily changes that occur when the brain is aroused. Emotions are often aroused from an unconscious level of the brain. Biological changes during adolescence show a growth of the amygdala, considered to be the emotional epicentre or gatekeeper, especially around fear and anger. Adolescents rely more on the emotional part of their brains.
Let’s be honest – we can all struggle with our emotions at times. The meltdowns that happen for teens are quite similar to those of toddlers. They are often a sign that their nervous system is overwhelmed and that they are struggling to cope. Discharging the cortisol, or stress hormone, to their safest grown-ups is a way for them to re-regulate themselves. When teens unload their painful feelings onto their parents, it may cause parents to worry more; however, often, it can help the teens to feel better. I have explained to many parents over the years that if you can pretend you are a duck, then you can let all the emotional garbage that your teen is dumping on you flow off you like water off a duck’s back. When they are sharing their emotional pain with you, it is far safer than when they keep all of it from you, and it is a positive sign that they love you and feel safe with you.
We need to keep in mind that a parent will never see the full picture of their teen’s overall psychological capacity.
There is some evidence that during the teen years, part of the limbic system increases in volume and reactivity in response to emotion and becomes more sensitive to factors such as failure and social rejection. This increased activity has been associated with an increased risk of anxiety, depression and behavioural problems.
‘Various neurotransmitters (brain chemicals) that control and regulate such things as moods, impulse, motivation and emotional excitability are greatly influenced by sex hormones produced during this emotionally explosive time in an individual’s life. Because of this, teenagers often experience emotional highs and lows more quickly and at the same time have less control over these emotions.’ – Barry Corbin, Unleashing The Potential of the Teenage Brain
There is now significant research that has established that the teen brain interprets emotional expressions differently from the adult brain. They can seriously misinterpret normal facial cues that they had no problem interpreting before!
Want to read more? The Map to Joy
…One of the techniques I used when counselling teens who struggle with big ugly feelings is to create a map to free themselves.
Find out more about 
Join the Discussion
Type out your comment here:
You must be logged in to post a comment.