Shall we celebrate?

Are you at ‘celebrater’ or someone who doesn’t observe occasions? For those who love ribbons and cakes and presents, people who are ambivalent about celebrations can seem like they come from another planet, and vice versa.

Many a happy relationship has hit speed bumps when anniversaries aren’t appropriately observed. One party feels less than appreciated, another may feel simply baffled.

It’s important to try and get on the right page, so here are a few tips on how to bridge the gap between each person’s expectations of anniversaries, birthdays and other significant dates.

Firstly, as always, communicate. If you aren’t sure how your partner feels about celebrations, observe them around occasions such as Christmas or birthdays. Celebrators will organise lists, plan presents meticulously and wrap them with care.

Non-celebrators nip into the local mall, late and grab a few generic gifts to hand out.

So, when discussing plans and anniversaries, the worst possible course of action is to simply assume that your beloved will feel the same as you.

If it is important to you to be acknowledged, it’s fine to say so. It is usually more about the care behind the gesture that means so much, rather than the gesture itself. (Non-celebrators; write that down. Your celebration-loving partner is interested that you take the time to show you care.) To avoid frosty silences, make a note of a few important dates (birthday, Christmas and your anniversary), then before the actual day, take a moment to think what would be a kind or thoughtful gesture.

Words matter. A card is a great start – be sincere with your words, but you don’t need to write a lot, just something you really mean, and that is unique about your loved one, or is something personal between the two of you.

Another tip is that celebrators are often busy, doing things for other people. Acknowledge their effort and do something to give them a few moments to themselves – that works wonders!

Any gift you give, make sure you have taken the time to wrap it, again, this demonstrates care and forward planning.

For the celebrators who have less reticent partners; tone it down a little. By all means buy them a gift, but don’t inadvertently embarrass or overwhelm them with grand gestures. Those who don’t celebrate will not be delighted with a surprise party, or a huge fuss being made of them. You can always make a fuss of friends or children on their special days instead.

Cards are excellent for these people too – you can get your point across about how special they are to you, but they can take their time to digest the words.

It may be a good idea to set a ‘celebration budget’ between the two of you, so neither party feels uncomfortable.

There is no correct position on celebrating occasions. However, whichever side you fall on; love, kindness and being appreciated is always welcome, just sometimes in different forms!