Tadpoles in the pipe

When I was a kid, we sometimes stayed at a primitive bach on the west coast. The loo was a long drop, and had a brilliant view north over the beach (if you left the door open). There was no hot water, and sometimes the cold water was a bit dodgy because of dead tadpolesin the pipe. Bad taste and low flow got you suspecting something, and your suspicions were confirmed when a little rotting carcass dropped out into your glass.

Are there dead tadpoles in your relationship with your kids? Is there a low flow… of communication and affection? Is there a bad taste: tension, passive-aggressive anger and a sense of distance between you?
Lots of things can be like dead tadpoles in the pipe: Speaking harsh words, Taking a child for granted, Being rude to them, not listening to them or treating them fairly.

As a self-confessed grumpy old man, I can do half of those things before breakfast. So how do you clear the blockages?
Become tender hearted – pause before you act, and try softer words.
Increase understanding – why are they behaving as they do?
Admit we are wrong – We blow it: sometimes we need to apologise to them
Don’t carry anger and conflict on into the next day. At bed time, as you tuck them into bed, say something like, “I was as mad as heck today, but I’m over it now. I’m glad tomorrow will be a new day, because I love you.”

The dead tadpoles were awful, but they didn’t spoil the holidays or my happy memories of that bach. As long as you can flush them out, tadpoles needn’t spoil your family either.

For more on clearing the pain from family life, check out theparenting place.com