Being a grandparent is a joy and a privilege. After becoming a parent, it is one of the most significant personal milestones you will achieve in your life.
Children add a dimension to your life that is priceless – they are positive, energetic and are so busy that it is easy to forget any worries you may have.
The early days of grand-parenting are usually heady – there is a renewed closeness with your own child as they discover how much is involved with raising a child.
But what happens when things get complicated? How do you continue to be a loving and committed grandparent if your child and their partner separate or face difficulties?
If you see your child or grandchild struggling, how do you offer support without compromising your relationship? The answers are never simple.
Always ask
If you suspect a problem, be it financial, a relationship crisis, or abuse related, never jump to conclusions. Ask clearly and honestly what is going on. Respect the privacy of your child or your grandchild. If they are ready to talk, be there and try (despite what you may be feeling inside) to remain neutral. They may be overwhelmed and having to deal with your reaction, however caring or supportive it may be, may just be too much for them.
Ask if they would like help before you go charging off making arrangements and fixing things. Remember the fools and the angels. Your child is a parent now, an adult, and that means that they will probably be able to fight their own battles, unless they ask for help. It may make matters worse if they feel that you don't think they are capable on their own.
Try and avoid 'you should' or 'you must' statements. Take a breath. Listen.
Keep your thoughts to yourself
As a caring parent and grandparent, it is absolutely natural to feel protective, angry, indignant or sad on their behalf. If you need to talk about it and express your opinion, do so to a trusted friend, rather than the child in question. This is particularly important if there is a relationship problem. Never say things about your child's spouse (or ex). It is not helpful and relationships strike rocky patches all the time and then get back on track. It is hard to welcome someone back if you have made it perfectly clear that you don't like or approve of them. Similarly, avoid ultimatums; the outcome is never ideal.
Be consistent
Often the most help you can be to a family experiencing trouble is just be yourself. Keep inviting them to family dinners. Keep taking the children for grandparent days. Keep being there as a sounding board. Keep the routine going. For grandchildren, having people who will be loving and consistent is the best thing for them.
Blending
If your child enters a new relationship and their new partner has children, that presents a new set of challenges. Get to know the new partner and their expectations and include the children as much as is comfortable for you all. Remember each family does things differently, so keep your own integrity, while respecting other people's boundaries.
It is never easy to watch people you love hurting or struggling. The beauty of being a grandparent is that you have years of wisdom to call on. You may need your own wisdom and advice to be able to remain loving, supportive and neutral. Remember that the most important thing is to not to add to the stress, rather be a calm port in the storm.
ange84205 - 11 years ago
being a concerned grandparent of a 2year old grandson only maternal grandfather is in jail.not my husband he died.my concerns are that the maternal mother not my daughter is happy to expose my grandson to a sex offenders unit in jail.i have tried every avenue is there anyone on here that can give me advice or any laws i could seek out for the care and protection of my grandson thanks.