Consistency with Parenting

I know some parents wonder whether they are being strict enough in their discipline. They wonder whether they should have more rules and back them up with stiffer penalties and punishments. I actually think that what many parents need instead is to be more consistent. A penalty doesn’t need to be harsh – it just needs to be as reliable as tomorrow’s sunrise. If a child does a certain action, they should know that there will be a consequence.

Oscar Wilde said "Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative" and I love to mix things up with novelty, but it’s not the best thing in parenting. It’s not fair if a child gets in trouble for something their sister gets away with.

Some parents make extravagant threats – “If you do that again I’ll nail you to the garage wall by your ears!” – but your kids know that you will never carry it out, so it is useless as a penalty. By the way – if you do make a dumb threat never feel honour bound to carry out a cruel or unfair punishment: you can back down, but you don’t have to back down all the way to the basement: “Okay I was joking about making you sleep in the dog kennel but you do have to go to bed half an hour early tonight. 

The same goes for lots and lots of rules that you never bother enforcing –kids just learn to ignore them. Just go for as few rules as you can live with, but make sure you enforce them consistently.  Never make a rule you wouldn’t get out of the shower to enforce.

So… well thought rules, communicated so kids understand them, and applied consistently – it’s pretty close to the core of good parenting.

Thanks to the Parenting Place.