A Hard Realisation

Chris* is deeply interested in personal growth and developing a wonderful marriage. She first tried traditional counselling about 20 years ago, following the breakdown of her marriage. “Initially, I went along to really be heard,” she says. “It was great to have my feelings validated and honoured and hear some practical suggestions.”

This encounter left her slightly unnerved however. “It was the first time I started to understand the reason that I might need help,” she says. It took another relationship breakdown for her to realise that it truly takes two people to love unconditionally, and that when a relationship breaks down, both parties are responsible.

“That was a really hard realisation,” she says. “I had been kind of stuck in blaming my partner, but it has taken me on a wonderful journey of looking to see what I can do to bring real quality to my relationship.”

Now happily married again, Chris sees that keeping a relationship aloe and truly loving takes both parties working in tandem. “I am a very private person,” she says. “I am open hearted, just not one to pour out my heart out and have a grump with my girl friends, which sometimes leaves me feeling a bit alone.

“In my 30 years as a hairdresser, I’ve heard plenty of women ‘getting it off their chest.’ It’s just sad that they often don’t feel they can be as honey with their partner as they are with their girlfriends.”

Chris and her husband have recently completed 12 weeks with relationship expert Tarisha Tourok, and have found it really good for them. “The tools we were given have an ongoing effect,” she says. “My husband found it very easy to be involved. It was not confronting at all. We have really benefitted from the experience.”

*Chris’ surname has been omitted to maintain her family’s privacy.