Ode To The New Year Dieting

‘Twas the month after Christmas, and all through the house

Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse

The cookies I’d nibbled, the eggnog I’d taste

At the holiday parties had gone to my waist

When I got on the scales there arose such a number!

When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber).

I’d remember the marvellous meals I’d prepared;

The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,

The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese

And the way I’d never said, ‘No thank you, please.’

As I dressed myself in my husband’s old shirt

And prepared once again to do battle with dirt

I said to myself, as I only can ‘You can’t spend the summer disguised as a man!’

So – away with the last of the sour cream dip

Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip

Every last bit of food that I like must be banished

‘Till all the additional ounces have vanished

I won’t have a cookie – not even a lick.

I’ll want only to chew on a long celery stick.

I won’t have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie

I’ll munch on a carrot and quietly cry

I’m hungry, I’m lonesome, and life is a bore

But isn’t that what January is for?