“I went to a restaurant that serves breakfast at any time. So I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.” – Steven Wright
“I have enough money to last me the rest of my life… unless I buy something.” – Jackie Mason
“A friend will help you move. A best friend will help you move a body.” – Dave Attell
“God gave men a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.” – Robin Williams
“I needed a password eight characters long, so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.” – Nick Helm
“Seems to me the basic conflict between men and women, sexually, is that men are like firemen. To men, sex is an emergency and no matter what we’re doing we can be ready in two minutes. Women, on the other hand, are like fire. They’re very exciting, but the conditions have to be exactly right for it to occur.” – Jerry Seinfeld
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