Fancy Dress

A bald man with a wooden leg, who is somewhat sensitive about both, is invited to a fancy dress party. He doesn’t know what to wear to hide his head and his leg, so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain his problem.

A few days later, he receives a parcel with a note.

Dear Sir,

Please find enclosed a pirate’s outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and your wooden leg will be just right as a pirate.

The man is offended that the outfit emphasises his disability, so he writes a letter of complaint. A week passes and he receives another parcel and note.

Dear Sir,

Apologies about the previous parcel. Please find enclosed a monk’s habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and your bald head will help you really look the part. 

The man is now incandescent with rage, because the company has gone from emphasising his wooden leg, to drawing attention to his bald head. So he writes a really strong letter of complaint.

A few days later, he gets a very small parcel from the company with the accompanying letter.

Dear Sir,

We have done our best to help. Please find enclosed a tin of golden syrup. We suggest you pour it over your bald head, stick your wooden leg up your a**e and go as a toffee apple.