Coffee Addiction

You know you are addicted to coffee if:

• You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
• You sleep with your eyes open.
• You have to watch movies in fast-forward.
• The only time you’re standing still is during an earthquake.
• You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
• You’ve worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.
• Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
• You chew on other people’s fingernails.
• The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
• You can type sixty words per minute with your feet.
• You can jump-start your car without cables.
• You don’t sweat, you percolate.
• You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realise it’s not plugged in.
• People get dizzy just watching you.
• Instant coffee takes too long.
• You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
• You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
• You short out motion detectors.
• Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
• You help your dog chase its tail.
• You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.
• Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.
• You ski uphill.
• You answer the door before people knock.