The Physical Pain of Grief

Grief is so overwhelmingly emotional, the physical symptoms which frequently accompany it often go unspoken. Yet we are quick to use terms such as ‘heartache,’ ‘heartbreak,’ ‘sick with grief,’ and ‘the pain of loss.’ The fact is, grieving affects our physical health in so many ways, and can include symptoms of nausea, fatigue, insomnia, weight loss, dizzy spells, heart problems, and digestion. However, in older adults, the impact can often be felt harder than in those of other age groups.

Seniors are often already burdened with health issues before they lose a loved-one. Therefore, the stress loss places on their body is felt harder than it would be in a younger person. As a consequence, immune systems can take a hammering, and health issues that have been ‘in the wings’ may make a reappearance.

Poor nutrition can contribute to physical ailments in the days and weeks following the death of a loved one. As we age, it is not uncommon to lose our appetite, but the onset of grief (when many people typically feel like eating less) exacerbates this. If memory loss is also an issue with a bereaved older person, the scene is set for poor nutrition and becoming ‘run down.’ In someone who is already undernourished, the repercussions can be serious.

Confusion, a ‘fuzzy head,’ and forgetfulness can all be part and parcel of losing a loved one, but when these symptoms of grief attack an older person, they can be twice as challenging. The cognitive effects of ageing can already be taxing, and when the stress of suddenly having to manage ‘alone’ come into play, stress-levels rise, and compound what may already be a fragile state.

The symptoms of stress, poor nutrition, and confusion in those who grieve are not confined to older folk, however people in a younger age group frequently have more outlets in which to share their situation. Many, after a short time, will return to work and the company of understanding colleagues, while others will have a partner or a wide friendship group to which they can unburden their sorrows and their physical ailments. An older person, however, is often at home, alone, with their grief, with no social pressure to leave the house. Even if they do wish to go to a regular meetup, if the ‘driver’ of the partnership is the loved one lost, the surviving partner may have no way of getting there. On top of this, an older person’s closest friends may have passed on, or be unable to visit (or phone) due to their own challenging circumstances. Being alone with grief can be a catalyst for poor health.

How to help an older bereaved person

It’s important to acknowledge the emotional toll the loss of a loved one takes on another. But it is equally important to acknowledge the physical pain suffered by someone who is mourning. Take seriously the physical complaints an older friend or family member may be experiencing in their grief, and help them to seek medical attention by offering a ride, or to accompany them to their GP. Be the person who not only takes a meal to the house of someone who has lost a loved one, but who also heats up the meal and sits down to share it, and is a listening ear. If a bereaved friend is showing signs of confusion, check on the basics, such as if they are taking medications as prescribed, if they have staples (such as bread and milk) in the house, and if they have firewood or know how to operate their heating. If you suspect they are missing out on regular meet-ups long after you would expect them to be re-attending, offer to go with them until routine is re-established. Do the same with exercise – by accompanying them on a walk or whatever it is they like to do to keep fit.

Everyone who is grieving requires understanding as they go through the physical symptoms of grief. But grief for an older person is a unique situation, and one we should all (especially as older people ourselves) pay close attention to.