Hitting the doldrums – it can happen to any couple, but especially when they’ve been in a relationship for many years. While it’s tempting to limp along, co-habitating while living separate emotional and physical lives, this isn’t how it’s meant to be. If you want to regain the close bond you once shared with your partner, and enjoy a more meaningful relationship, test-drive our tips to help it happen.
Going solo
The following relationship revivers require an effort from only one partner, which means they’re a great, no-fuss way to kick off your relationship recovery plan:
• Touch your partner in little ways throughout the day. It can be as simply as placing your fingers on their shoulder as you hand them a cup of coffee, or ruffling their hair when they’re sitting in a chair, watching TV.
• Actively listen to your partner when they’re speaking. Look at them, smile, and respond. Do this even if it’s in response to a brief domestic question such as: “Have you seen the car keys?”
• Compliment your partner (it can be for even the smallest things, such as a little job they’ve done in the garden). The world’s a tough place, and when you actively, positively notice someone out loud, it draws them towards you.
Two’s company
If your partner is on board with a relationship revival plan, making it happen can be fun as well as interesting. Try these exercises to draw you closer together:
• Stick with an everyday activity such as having breakfast, going to the supermarket, or visiting family, but imagine it’s the last chance you’ll ever have to do this together. You’ll be surprised how much it will change the way you behave towards each other.
• Spend five minutes looking through old photos of the two of you together. Remind yourselves (out loud, if possible) what it was that first attracted you to each other.
• Practise kindness towards each other. Research shows kindness is more of a turn-on than physical appearance. It can be easy to forget them unless you plot out acts of. Start by showing three acts of kindness towards each other every day – but mix them up or they’ll simply become another stale ‘routine’.
Hello world!
Take your relationship revival plan into the world where there are literally thousands of opportunities for reconnecting in exciting ways.
• Learn together. Enrol in a class together, but make sure what you’re learning will be completely new to you both. This way, you’ll have something new to talk and laugh about, help each other with, and enthuse (or commiserate!) over.
• Get active, together, in ways which suit both you and your partner’s health. Reviving a relationship takes energy and effort, and nothing helps lift energy level more than activity itself. Whether it’s heading to the pool or out onto the golf course, there will be an activity you can both enjoy in each other’s company.
• Go out together at least once a week (and share the responsibility for organising this). Plan the date so you spend no less than an hour together, and make most of your outings ones where you’ll be interacting (movies are great, but there’s not a lot of opportunity to talk!).
Most relationships can be immeasurably enhanced and invigorated through first admitting there’s a problem, and then taking simple, active steps to change the situation for the better. But if it all seems beyond your own abilities, consider professional couple’s counselling. Your relationship is worth it!
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