How to Escape Persistent, Unwanted Attention

Giving the flick to momentary unwanted attention from a would-be romantic interest or a disgruntled family member, is one thing, but thwarting unwanted attention that goes on – and on – can be much more difficult. Sometimes, it’s a case of knowing how to use the technology you have at your disposal, sometimes it’s a case of learning how to be more forthright, and sometimes you need the long hand of the law to reach out to. Check out the options below; they may serve you some tactics, provided they are safe to pursue in the context of your circumstances.

Technology to the rescue

These days, harassment frequently comes in the form of unwanted contact via social media and communication apps. Many who receive on-going vitriol, online stalking, or unwanted comments, are reluctant to leave or close their social media accounts because it means isolating from the friends and family they do want to be in contact with. But it doesn’t have to be that way when you know how to use your privacy settings. Take the time to check them out thoroughly, and ask others for help if required (YouTube can also help answer your questions). On Facebook, for example, you can permanently (or for a ‘snooze’ period’) ‘block’ another from seeing your posts. To send the ‘I’m-not-interested-in-you’ signal to an unwanted correspondent in WhatsApp, simply enter the ‘privacy’ settings, and turn off ‘Read receipts.’ That way, you’ll still be able to see what they’ve written, but they won’t know you’ve looked at their message!

Forthright fixes

What we perceive to be ‘harassment’ isn’t always intentional. The fact is, some people (whether they’re would-be admirers or over-interested neighbours) simply cannot read others’ signals. It’s especially the case when the ‘other’ is overly-subtle in their attempts to disengage. In cases like this, forthrightness, and honesty, is often the least hurtful way to say: ‘I need some space’ or: ‘I’m not interested.’ So, grit your teeth, don’t begin your ‘rejection’ with ‘sorry,’ and state your case in plain language. Don’t give a lecture, don’t give false hope, don’t criticise, and don’t feel you need to provide an explanation. All of which is no reason not to be civil. If your neighbour (or a family member) continually pries into your affairs or wants to give unwanted advice, try: “I’m happy to work this out for myself,” or “This isn’t something I want to share with you.” If a would-be admirer won’t give up the chase, say: “It doesn’t suit me to have a personal relationship with you.” If delivering your message face to face is too difficult, a text is fine.

Leaning on the law

If you are being harassed, you don’t have to put up with it. In fact, you may be entitled to legal protection. A Restraining order makes it a crime for the harasser to contact, follow, or watch you. It prevents them from lurking around your home or doing anything else that has you reasonably fearing for your safety. A protection order seeks to keep you safe from violence from an individual and their associates, and from contact from a violent other. A non-contact order prevents a violent offender, sentenced to 2 or more years in prison, from contacting their victim. A Trespass order can prevent a harasser coming onto or into your property. If you require any of these protections, ask a trusted friend or family to support you when you make enquiries with the police. No one deserves to live in fear, and if this is what you’re facing, you should not delay seeking help.

Persistent, unwanted attention takes it’s toll, and those who are on the receiving end of it often blame themselves for the distressing situations they find themselves in. If this sounds like you, don’t procrastinate. Cut to the chase, and take the action you need to, to restore your confidence and peace of mind. And always consider your safety before taking any action.