Being without friends is just plain miserable – and if you’re in this situation, you’re just one of many who are suffering from a situation no one should ever be in. Loneliness and being without friends is fast becoming an epidemic in its proportions, and there are numerous reasons why, as a senior, you may currently be in this situation more than anyone else. Reasons can include shifting home and moving away from friends, neighbours, and the wider community, the death of dear friends, losing contact with friends through illness or disability, and more. Whatever your reason for being without friends, it’s important to remember it’s not your fault, and there are moves you can make to find new companions. What’s more, there are agencies and organisations to help you do it if you find the challenge too hard to manage alone.
Below, you’ll find a list of tips to help you make new friends. As you browse through them, remember making friends takes time. Research suggests it takes adults around 2.5 working weeks to turn an acquaintance into a friend – and almost double the amount of time for a best friendship to develop from a friendship. That’s quite an investment, so from the very start, it pays to treat finding new friends as a job and as with all jobs, there will be ups and downs along the way. As always, take personal safety and security seriously whether you’re meeting others online or in person. If you’re ready to help yourself find friends, let’s go!
1. Dive right in by heading to The Language Exchange and connecting with someone who would like an English (or other language) speaker to help them practise their chosen language. Engagement on this personal level can encourage friendship.
2. Become a community volunteer. Volunteers meet many different people, including those they work with as well as those they serve. To connect with volunteering roles that suit you, go to Volunteering NZ and work your way through the opportunities listed there.
3. Join a group that guarantees social contact – think Scottish Country Dancing, walking groups, and ‘Coffee and Tea’ social meet-ups. There’s no ‘hiding away’ when you’re face to face with others.
4. Improve your social skills while meeting others by joining a public speaking group, such as toastmasters. The challenge of the tasks set will help you connect with others who are also facing them.
5. Join a service group such as Lions or Altrusa. As you help your community, your community will be helping you! Look especially for service groups that can make use of the skills you may already have.
6. If finances permit, sign up for a singles travel tour. When you’re all singles together, and relying on each other over a period of days, you quickly make friends.
7. Join Friendship NZ Incorporated and become part of a local organisation ‘empowering impending retirees and retired people to meet on a regular basis to enrich their lives.’ Enjoy refreshments, socialising, listening to speakers, and join in with planned outings and activities. Friendship groups are undemanding, while making space for connections to develop.
Finding friends starts with you, but there are many organisations that can help get you started on this very important quest. Below are just a handful – good luck and congratulations on being brave enough to tackle the challenge to combat loneliness in yourself and others!
Organisations that can help you combat loneliness
conneXu (disability support) for friendships and support
Age Concern’s social connection support
Marae-based kaumātua services such as those offered by Rehua Marae
You can also use GrownUps’ online chat or join one of our discussion forums!
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