Have You Lost Yourself?

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Never settle for less than you deserve. because that's when you lose not only your happiness but lose yourself.

Firstly my apologies if you have not read a column from me for some time. Over the last few months my time and attention have been absorbed with a big project. Consequently this month I would like to talk about times when we find ourselves so absorbed in our work, in our relationship, in the daily grind, or in an addiction that we've lost sight of who we are or where we'd like to be in life? I hope this resonates with you.

There seem to be at least 5 ways to know we've lost ourselves:

1. We are no longer doing the things that really used to give us pleasure.
2. We feel numb.
3. We feel like life is just passing you by.
4. We've let ourselves go.
5. We don't like your life.

But I am sure you can think of other signs too. The underlying thread weaving it all together is: WE are not living the life we want live. For whatever reason, we've placed something or someone ahead of our own needs and desires. This is not necessarily wrong (or right). And our reasons for having done this may be very valid at the time. So it is important not to beat ourselves up because it happened. But now that we recognize what's going on, it's time to pick ourselves up by the bootstraps and take some action toward a new and improved life.

We aren't meant to live "small", sitting on the sideline watching the Game of Life. Life contracts as we contract. We all have gifts we bring into this world and gifts we can pass on. It takes courage to live life to its fullest and to follow our own path–not some else's path.

At the same time kit is important not to forget that families, spouses & partners, and careers take a lot of focus and effort. That's real life. That's why the subject of work-life balance is so popular. However, we are important too! Our needs are just as important as someone else's. We have a right to blossom and shine our light, too. Because when you do, the whole world will be a little bit brighter because of that. And, people who are positive assets in your life will be the ones who will be cheering us on.

So if we recognize that we've lost ourselves, what can we do about it?

Well, first recognizing and acknowledging it is huge!

Then, I would suggest talking to a professional such as a coach or mentor. It's an amazing way to put your life on fast forward.

If you have some good trusted and supportive friends talk to them for some ideas.

There are also a lot of good resources available. For some ideas you can contact me at the address below. And from there you will be able to do a lot yourself from goal-setting, motivating yourself to working on your own inner strengths.

Only we can be responsible for changing our lives. It isn't our job, our partner, or whatever/whoever's fault – ultimately, we must take a stand and discover what it is that enlivens and revives us and ultimately makes us thrive.

Once in a while it really hits people that they don't have to experience the world in the way they have been told to. – Alan Keightley

I am planning to run more courses in Christchurch, New Zealand in August and September on (i) planning for retirement and (ii) the science of happiness. Please contact me if you would like more information.

Please tell me what you think or if you would like more information on this topic please contact me here.

Ron Tustin
Revive and Thrive Coaching, Professional Coach, member of International Coach Federation.

Read Ron's Blog 
www.reviveandthrivecoaching.com 
info@rtc.org.nz 
Ph 0800 003679

Motivating baby boomers to see the world with fresh eyes.