Relationship hurdles

There are many stages in life when your relationship is tested. A test doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with a relationship per se, it simply means that it requires attention and the ability to adapt.

Life tends to go in cycles, so there are some universal ‘road markers’ which can affect your relationship. Here are some of the most common challenges couples will face, and some ideas of how to act constructively.

When you move in together

New love is amazing!  Your partner seems like the most interesting, fantastic, loveable person in the world, and you feel like you can take on the world together. No matter your age, new love is full of possibility. Once you move in together, you need to be aware of potential friction. In the first while, your constant companion is an absolute blessing, but cracks will invariably show at some point.

If you have lived alone for a long time, a lack of personal space may be a challenge. Differences in each other’s personal routine can start to grate. Blending lives together takes compromise, so start by being flexible.

Divide up responsibilities and discuss your expectations of each other – and never assume! Talk about what you need as a person, and a house mate, and a romantic partner. For some people, time alone is a precious gift, for others, it leaves them feeling abandoned.

Offer praise to each other when you notice your partner has responded to your request for change – effort should be acknowledged, particularly if it has really challenged your loved one. Again, personal space can be a source of conflict – if you have asked for, and received space, then come back to your partner thankful and present.

When children arrive

If you are a second time around couple, chances are at least one of you will have children. While they are a wonderful blessing, they can cause issues in new relationships. If they come to stay regularly, be clear about the details and expectations. Be fair – a common bug-bear is that men don’t do their share of ‘hands on’ work with kids, and another is that women tend to ‘ignore’ their partner in favour of children.

Keep communicating, and don’t store up resentments, only to eventually explode. Speak calmly and clearly and be reasonable. Children are very emotive.

When monotony sets in

There is a time in every relationship when romance seems like a far off dream, and monotony can get the better of you. This can be a dangerous time in a relationship. Be honest. If you are feeling that life is rather ‘Groundhog Day,’ take action.

Spend some fun time together. Find the joy you once shared, and embrace the opportunity to find out something new about each other.

Along with monotony, age-related milestones can trigger problems. It is often easier to take out frustrations or insecurities on your partner, rather than face your own internal issues.

Be brave. Face your internal fears about entering a new decade, or that the kids have left home, or that life hasn’t turned out as planned.

Talk openly with your partner, or a professional, or both, and seek a solution. Take responsibility for your own happiness and reactions.

Then, do something to enrich your own soul, and work to reconnect with your partner, through common interests, new hobbies and honest communication.

Everything good takes investment, so put the work in. Good love can last a lifetime.