Putting Yourself First

human brain and heart with arms and legs take a self portrait with her smart phone, 3d illustration
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human brain and heart with arms and legs take a self portrait with her smart phone, 3d illustration

“In trying to please all, he had pleased none.” ― Aesop, Aesop’s Fables

How often do we feel we put other people’s concerns before our own? Our generation of baby boomers was brought up in a world-leading welfare system which taught the value of caring for others. No matter what our views are about this, one ‘side-effect’ may have been this need for many of us to be ‘people pleasers’.

Signs of full-blown cases of ‘people pleasing’ involve the unrealistic desire of wanting to please every person we come across. In some cases we may allow other people to dictate our actions and words, as we are driven by the need to be liked.

Caring for others

I do not mean to suggest that we should not be caring towards others. However it can become damaging if we do this at the expense of ourselves – at the expense of denying our own significance. To live for others instead of ourselves is not a healthy way to live our lives.

There is a clear difference between living for the betterment of humanity and sacrificing ourselves.

Risks of ‘people pleasing’

One risk we face is that although we may not notice what we are doing, it can be easily exploited by others. We then find we are going even further to please others. How do we know we are like this?

The symptoms may include: bending over backwards (not in physical terms), helping until it hurts coupled with an unawareness of ourselves. This unawareness blinds us to the fact that we are also of considerable value—not just everyone else. And how can we stop this?

The cure: self-love and self-respect…Spend time thinking about and addressing your own needs. Be respectful and caring toward other people but not at your own expense. Start to notice when you are trying to please instead of just being your wonderful self. Remember that if you are going to be a good friend or family member if you need put time and energy into meeting your own needs too.

“Sometimes you have to be selfish. If you can’t put yourself first, you can’t expect anyone else to.”

By Ron Tustin. Read more here.