Parenting Habits

Before your child become a teenager, you have the greatest ability to teach them. Once their hormones and social lives kick in, parents often need to rely on the groundwork they have already done, rather than trying to exert their authority. However, teens still need their parents influence and advice badly, they just accept it and ask for it in different ways.

Here are some habits to foster before the teen years begin:

Regular family time at meal times

This is often reiterated by parenting experts – don’t fall into the trap of being ships in the night in your own home. Meal times are a great time to get uninterrupted time with them. So many other things vie for their attention that parents have to be diligent about getting noticed. Set a habit to have at least one meal together every day, when everyone turns off their phones and devices, and eats away from the tv.

Chat in the car

The car is a place where conversations can flourish. If you are a time-poor parent, volunteer to pick your child up from practice and make the most of the few minutes in the car to chat and laugh. Keep it light and enjoyable and you’ll be amazed at the information you can pick up.

Teens need time and love

The biggest challenge can be grabbing their attention, but they still want yours. Hug them, email them, accept them for the people they are becoming. Psychotherapist Virginia Satir says that people “need four hugs a day for survival, eight hugs a day for maintenance, and 12 hugs a day for growth.” Teenagers are definitely growing in so many ways, but they’re not often cuddly. As kids hit the preteen years, make an effort to find new ways to keep the physical contact up. Maybe it’s a quick scratch on the back or a smoothing of the hair.

Keep in touch with their friends and their technology

While you can’t choose your kid’s friends, you can certainly know who they are. Start by being the parent who actively encourages teenagers in your home, so your kids will be used to having you around with their friends. And remember, if your kids are talking about people who you’ve never met and don’t know anything about, it’s time to get acquainted.

Try and be interested in their interests too. The things that interest your kids may not light your fire, but because it matters to them, find a way to have it matter to you (even if you have to pretend). Being willing to understand what matters to them is a huge relationship builder that carries over into the teen years.

Keep up a bedtime routine

The first three minutes after kids wake up and the last three minutes before they go to bed are the best times to connect with them. The magic behind bedtime conversations is simple: kids will do anything, even tell you the details of their day, to stay up a little later.

Being tucked up in bed is also a safe place, so don’t miss these moments to talk to your teen. Just as you’d like them to do to you, get up from your work/conversation/tv show and say goodnight in their room. It may be the best part of your day.

Give them appropriate space

As a new parent, we are vigilant for any signs of danger, and that habit never goes away – we want our children safe. As they grow up, parents also need to train themselves to give their kids space to try things on their own. That way, when it’s time to let them go for good, you have enough practice to actually be able to do it.