Overcoming Social Shyness

As we enter the most social time of the year, those who struggle with social shyness can feel rather overwhelmed. The endless round of dress ups, themed office gatherings, neighbourhood BBQs and family parties can seem just too hard.

Even if you are generally quite social, if you’ve had a bit of a tough year (2016 seems to have had that effect on quite a few), you may not be looking forward to forcing merriment for the sake of others.

If you find groups a challenge, you may like to try a few of the following ideas to ease the impact on your nervous system.

• if you really don’t like crowds, the first option you have is to decline any invitation politely and in plenty of time. Flaking out at the last minute is bad manners, and can inconvenience your host. If you are unable attend, try and give a minimum of 24 hours notice.
• on the subject of declining invitations, keep it simple. Elaborate explanations can get complicated. A simple, ‘thank you but I am unable to attend,’ is the easiest way to prevent well-meaning friends from trying to change your mind.
• if you must attend, but are apprehensive, make sure you have a plan. Much of social shyness comes from a worry of being judged (not funny/outgoing/smart enough etc). Therefore, rather than getting yourself into a lather about what you can’t do, focus instead on what you can do. If you are going to a party full of lawyers, don’t try to learn their language – you may find they’d be delighted to discuss sport, or food or kids instead. Introduce a topic of conversation which you feel comfortable with.
• ask open ended questions of talkative others – some people seem naturally at ease with strangers, so try and lead the conversation their way – start with, ‘what do you think about…’ but try and avoid seriously contentious topics in the first instance.
• if you are shy, arrive at the party on time and have a quick chat with all the key people before they get too ‘lit up.’ They’ll remember that you were there, and it’s easy to make a quick exit after an hour or so when the majority of others are there.
• be your own sober driver. If you are responsible for your own transport, you can leave at your convenience. If you are carpooling with a group, you might be compelled to stay late.
• agree to meet someone friendly at the entrance so you don’t have to walk in alone and potentially approach strangers.
• if dress-ups stress you out, just make enough of an effort that you won’t be questioned for not participating. A piece of tinsel, fashioned into a scarf can get you a long way at this time of year. Not everyone has the time, energy or inclination to get dressed up.
• when saying your good-byes, make it quick, ‘thanks for an excellent time, I’m going to make a move.’ If your host is the life and soul of the party, and likely to try and encourage you to stay, have someone pass the message on that they seemed occupied and you had to make a move. Send a text of thanks once you are safely on your way.
• be open to the idea that you may actually find yourself having a good time – if so, great! Stay on and enjoy yourself. Half of your experience will be your expectation, so keep an open mind.

Parties are designed to be fun and there are often more people who feel a bit apprehensive that you may think. If you can strike up a conversation with someone, you may do them a great favour as well as having a surprisingly good time yourself.