Maxine Marron – Looking Into Dating Again

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I was married for 32 years to a wonderful man. Some would say that after being married to a Prince why bother to even look again. I say that if there is I prince out there then there are others. I loved being married and again want to passionately love someone and be loved by them. So step number one was to look at the dating sites on line. Wow! I hadn't realized there were so many. I had to now decide if I wanted to go for a free dating site or pay for me to be on one. But would I get a better selection of eligible men on a dating service where you had to pay rather than be on a site that was free?

Of course I decided to check out the free one's first. The first thing that I had to do was fill in a profile of myself. Luckily this could be done on all sites without actually joining and paying for a subscription. But this was easier said than done. There were tricky questions to navigate. A mine field of bombs. Should I give my correct age? I had been told that if you took off a few years then you had a better chance of meeting more men. On the other hand would I be paired with guys much younger than me? I decided to give my correct age, as 66 years old isn't that old.

Should I keep my actual name? Why not change that for the sites? The only problem was to make sure if I went on a date as Cyndi, Sherri or Diana that I remembered to respond to that name. For about five seconds I considered having the name of one of the goddesses of love, but on second thoughts being called Venus, Ishtar or Inanna was a bit too weird.

Now there were questions to answer on some sites. Some were easy to answer such as did I smoke? But then there was the question on did I drink? The possible answers were never, a few times a year or socially. I went a socially and hoped that was fine.

I had to describe myself. This was easier said than done. I decided to look at what others said about themselves. I then picked out from their write up about how wonderful they were, what I wanted to say about myself. I have a sense of humor and am caring, easy going, a good friend, intelligent, reliable, articulate, loving and passionate to name a few things, or to be honest a number of things. I am quick witted, casual and romantic, open and outgoing, active and energetic. Had I left out anything that a prospective date would want? Had I said too much?

There was also a section that asked questions such as "do you have any strange or hidden talents?" My imagination ran wild over this one but unfortunately I didn't find anyone who had answered it. There was also: "If you had to leave everything behind but got to choose 5 things to take with you what would they be?" I am still trying to get my list down from ninety five things.

The dating sites usually asked what I did for leisure. That was easier to fill out as I like cooking, music, theater, movies, art and traveling. I love getting together with friends and family, reading and also enjoy puzzles and games. I do not ski or like cold weather or people who go hunting or those that smoke, but I wasn't asked what I didn't like on that site. Should I have said for leisure I liked sex? But nobody else said that and maybe it would attract the wrong sort of guy. Anyway now that I was trolling for men maybe I should say: "What leisure?"

Some dating sites now asked me what I wanted in a man. I didn't want a man who said in his profile that he was good looking but should I state that he should like classical music or did that eliminate men who liked music from the 60's and 70's and oldies which I also enjoy? At this time in life did it matter that he might be younger than me? It doesn't matter to me if he doesn't care. I decided to write that I wanted the person I spend time with to be interesting and open minded. But that posed the question that do boring people think they are boring? So maybe I shouldn't state that.

A few people had written that they wanted the person to be honest, loyal and have integrity. Do people without those qualities know that they don't have them? I felt it was important to point out that they also needed to be optimistic and definitely have a sense of humour. The bottom line is that I wanted someone to love me and be loved by me. I liked the guy who wrote:" I've had enough testing, now it's time to live, love, laugh and be happy."

Then there was the can't stand section. These were traits that I definitely didn't want in a man. I happily ticked off vanity, lying, cheating, rudeness, gets angry very easily and is lazy. But then I discovered that though there were over fifty traits listed, I had to prioritize and only list the top five traits I didn't want out of the fifty. Well maybe a worrier, hypochondriac, television junkie and flirt weren't that bad. But being intolerant, holding grudges, fiscally irresponsible, depressed, self-centered, a gambler and being judgmental should go to the top of my list.

Still not yet at the stage to take a look at the men smiling inanely up at me, was the must haves list. Again most of these traits I would want in a man. They were traits such as chemistry, verbal intimacy, and sense of humour, emotionally healthy, volunteerism, exciting, patient, self-confident, kind, organized and sociable.

Prioritizing five of this list of fifty was as difficult as the list of what I didn't want. I settled on a communicator who is good at talking and listening. Artistry, which meant a passion for music, literature, drama, art and the finer things in life. (I must admit that I wasn't sure what was meant about the finer things but that sounded good.) A conflict resolver, a person who was adaptable to life's surprises, tolerant and affectionate also made the final cut.

The site did say that these traits weren't set in stone and I could go back and change my priorities if I so desired. I was exhausted going through them the first time and was not sure I ever wanted to go back and agonize over my choices again but one never knew.

Now let the fun begin. The paid sites though are clever. Some sites may let you look at the profiles of all the men, you could even look at their write ups and answer questions posed by them but you couldn't see what they looked like before plonking down your money. Did it really matter that I couldn't see what they looked like? I could send them messages couldn't I? Well no. It turned out that I couldn't interact with them either and actually not seeing their photo was a problem. Of course the high percentage of the men were divorced, but when I read their glowing write ups about themselves, I did wonder if these perfect men had just been unlucky to be married to awful, horrible women. Maybe it would be fun to ask the ex-wives about their ex-husbands.

How could I resist a guy who when asked how he saw their first date had written: "a spark that could possibly be fanned into fire" Another guy stated: "If you are looking for a man who wants to go skydiving, hang gliding and skateboarding then that's not me" I also liked the man who stated: "As the Little Prince said, "It is only with the heart that I can see rightly, what is really essential is invisible to the eye"."

After all this looking, reading and imagining what the men out there are really like I am exhausted. I need a nap and some time to think about this quest for someone special.