How to start dating again

You’ve watched your marriage deteriorate. You’re gone through a messy divorce and now your friends are dropping serious hints about dating again.  From subtle winks and nudges to serious conversations, you’re definitely reading the signs.

But how on earth are you supposed to get back in the dating game after all these years?  Lucky for you, we’ve got the scoop on post-divorce dating from our very own in-house cupid.  And no, it doesn’t involve Tinder!

Take up a hobby

Wondering how you’re supposed to meet anyone when all your friends are either married or happily divorced?  Expand your network and take up a hobby.  When it comes to amplifying your social life, we can’t get enough of Meetup.com.  There’s literally a group for every interest!  Plus, the site isn’t at all relationships focussed so there’s zero pressure.  If you meet someone that’s amazing.  If you don’t, you’ll have a great time anyway!

Love yourself

Understandably, your ego may feel a little bruised and battered after your divorce.  Before you start dating again, learning to love yourself is SO important.  Everyday, take the time to find five things you love about yourself.  Whether it’s your new haircut or your brand-new sense of independence, be your own ray of sunshine.

Get online

The internet has revolutionised the way people communicate, relationships included.  There are so many fantastic online dating sites in the mix, so don’t be scared to get out there and have some fun.

Accept that things will be different

Before you put yourself out there, you’re going to need to accept that things will be different.  You won’t be dating a new and improved version of your ex, and you definitely won’t be sharing the same hobbies, jokes and interests.  Embrace this new chapter of your life, and get excited about all the new memories you’re about to make.

Don’t write your story before it’s started

Ever heard of the self-fulling prophecy?  Basically, it preaches that if you make predictions, you’ll directly or indirectly ensure that they come true.  So, if you’re hung up on the fact that your relationships always fail, they will.  Never put yourself in a box, or make stereotypical assumptions about your life.  Be positive and open minded, and avoid ‘absolutist’ thinking at all costs.

Know what you want

After a divorce, you may find that you’ve changed as a person.  Don’t worry, this is totally natural.  But before you start dating again, take the time to get to know the new you.  Get deep with yourself about what you want from a relationship, and lay down some ground rules.  Are you looking for love? Companionship?  Just a little fun?  Get to know yourself, and getting what you want from the dating game will be a whole lot easier.

Everyone is different, and there’s no black and white rules about when to start dating again after a divorce.  Some people have seen the split coming for years, and are ready to play the field in a matter of weeks.  Others are utterly heartbroken, and might need years to fully recover.  But when your time comes, embrace it.  Put yourself out there, get excited and be a little creative when it comes to dating.  Whether you find love, lust, laughter, friendship or something in-between is entirely up to you!