How Do You Handle Change?

I work with people who are going through change. Often the change is so significant it becomes a crisis (such as a divorce or a severe health diagnosis). I guess how you handle change often depends on what, exactly, the change is.

Mostly, we want to feel good. We like it when things are going smoothly and we’d like them to stay that way. But how realistic is it? We know change is always happening and if we are to grow in any way (mentally, emotionally, spiritually) we need to stretch, meaning things need to change, and we’ll likely experience some discomfort.

Think about it. If you suddenly decide you want to run a marathon, you wouldn’t just go out and do it (at least I hope you wouldn’t). You’d probably want to consult a trainer, someone who could tell you how to get in shape. Then you’d start by doing short runs. At first it would be uncomfortable, you’d be stretching yourself and your abilities, but soon you’d find you are able to run a mile quite comfortably and then you’d stretch yourself again by running further, and so on, until eventually you were fit enough and ready to run your first marathon.

Life can be like this. We want to grow – to be more, do more, have more – but often we don’t like the discomfort that comes with growth. In fact, people often try so hard to avoid it they end up making life even more difficult.

Yes, change can definitely be difficult. Particularly when it is forced upon you – such as your spouse suddenly announcing they want a divorce or your boss announcing the company is making cutbacks and your job has to go. Even then, if we’re truly honest with ourselves, we’ll probably admit there were signs the change was going to come. Your spouse spends less and less time at home and you hardly see each other; your company has been letting other people go or there have been rumours of cutbacks. There are usually signs, but we often tend to be so caught up in the everyday living of our lives we don’t take time to notice what’s going on around us – the signals things are about to change or things need to change.

From my experience of helping people through change, there are 5 steps to help make the process a little easier:

1. Accept responsibility. Even if the change has been forced upon you, don’t think of yourself as a victim. This takes your power away. Accepting responsibility doesn’t mean it’s your fault, it means you accept this has happened, this is where you are and you need to move forward from here.

2. Look for the gift or the lesson. I think you’ll find, if you look back on your life, out of every very difficult situation something positive eventually occurred. If you actively look for the lesson in the situation, it can help you get to a positive outcome much more quickly.

3. Know what you want. Rather than spending all your time thinking about how bad the situation is or how unfair it is, focus on what you do want. It’s happened, now what – where do you want your life to go from here?

4. Take action. Don’t wait to see what happens next. Know what you want and start taking steps to get you there. Doing something will help you feel more positive and start the momentum going towards what you want.

5. Get the support you need. Stop trying to handle everything by yourself. Ask for help. Whether it’s from friends or family members or from a professional, such as a business or life coach – get the help you need. The most important thing is the people you allow to help you are positive and supportive.

You can learn to embrace change and to actively bring what you want to you in your life, rather than waiting for life to happen to you. I’ve found it’s preferable to be in the driver’s seat when it comes to your life, rather than a passenger.

Article by Linda Binns