Looking After Yourself when Caring for Someone with Dementia

For the caregiver of a loved one with dementia, it can often feel as if your world has turned upside down. In fact, many carers describe, not only a feeling of losing the one they love to this debilitating disease, but also a sense of losing their own identity. That’s why, if you are a caregiver of a loved one with dementia, it’s more important than ever you take care of yourself. The following tips may help:

File it away

As caregivers, we spend a lot of time and worry thinking about the future of our loved one in need, often going over and over the details in our heads when we should be resting. Instead of revisiting concerns, write a plan, then file them away, and let the matters drop until you need to refer to them. Include an emergency plan, in case you are suddenly called away and someone else needs to take over your carer duties. Make a list of friends, family, and agencies that can be called on at short notice. Include your  long term plans for your loved one in the event you are no longer there to make them known.

Eat well – and simply

Your health can quickly deteriorate as you care for another because there is less time to cook (and eat) nutritious meals. Keeping your meals simple, and learning to love fresh, raw foods, can help. Aim to eat a simple salad or salad sandwich every day; snack on vege sticks and fresh fruit. Swap the extra coffees for chilled mint-and-lemon infused water, and look for healthy takeaways (such as meat or vegetarian wraps) for the occasional break.

Routine rules

If you’ve never been a routine person, now is the time to become one. Routines allow others to help you because they know, in advance, when and where they’re needed. So schedule in daily exercise, book the hairdresser in advance, sign up to the bridge club (or some other regular meet-up), and book a weekly table at your local cafe for a catch-up with friends.

Build a support network

Remember you are not the only person responsible for your loved one in this new phase of their life. We live in a society that cares, and there are groups out there to provide both practical support, and advice on where to find it. Tap into dementia day care, government respite care, church groups, Alzheimer’s Association, and Carers NZ.

Say yes!

When friends and family offer support, accept it, and without being demanding, try to be specific (while tailoring your requests to their skills). For example, if your friend is comfortable being alone with your loved one, and understand their needs, ask if they could accompany them to a hair appointment for you. If a neighbour offers to cook for you, ask if they could bake you a cake or make sandwiches when it’s your turn to provide afternoon tea at your book club. This not only helps you as much as possible, it also allows your supporters to feel they are making a real difference to your life.

Reassess your commitment regularly

We all want to care for a loved one ourselves – but as dementia progresses, it’s important to reassess the level of commitment you are able to provide. Take time to talk with a professional, such as your doctor, about how you, and your loved one, are managing, and how to move forward with extra home help or residential care.

Keep a diary

Caring for a loved one with dementia can feel disheartening. Without the usual feedback of gratitude, self-doubt can set in, and you can even begin to wonder if you are doing your best. Use a diary to list all you do in a day to help your loved one, and you will soon see the huge effort you are making. A diary of this kind is also useful to take to your GP or a service provider when requesting any help you are applying for.

Remember, you are not alone in your caregiver role. Many others have trod the path before you, and are there to help and advise.