Get your groove back!

As we age, our bodies don’t do what they used to; not all 50-year olds could swing around the dance floor like Suzanne Paul in Dancing with the Stars. Our knees crack, our backs ache, and sometimes, (ssshhhhh) our bladders are about as waterproof as a paper bag.

GrownUps has started this series on incontinence in association with TENA – a subject that rates a solid zero on acceptability for public discussion. But, we know that many people suffer from the condition of incontinence; preventing them from participating in activities and promoting nervousness and timidity. Not only is there the physical condition of an uncontrollable bladder, but the psychological problem of crushed confidence.

“If I have lost confidence in myself, I have the universe against me.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

Lost confidence can feel like the world is against you. Losing bladder control at an inopportune time can result in crushing embarrassment and a foresworn vow never to play tennis / laugh out loud / play with the grandkids ever again. Whilst there are products that can relieve the physical symptoms, how do you get your confidence back?

Try again — safely

Did your last game of golf result in soul-shattering embarrassment in front of all your golf friends? Enlist someone safe whom you trust explicitly (a sister, child, spouse) and go for nine holes at a quiet time when the course is empty. Get back on your horse slowly, trusting the person you are with to support you and understand if you need to leave early for ‘personal reasons’.

Just do it

Have you been waiting to clear out the closet in the spare room? Are you overdue for a health check up? Clean the guttering, weed the garden or call your long-lost brother? You’ll gain confidence by setting goals (even small ones) and following through on them.

Have fun!

Morris dancing might not rate as the most socially acceptable form of entertainment, but if it’s your thing – do it! Don’t feel intimidated by other’s opinion of your choice of entertainment (stamp collecting, taxidermy, roller derby, train spotting) or worry about whether you’re any good. If you take up golf but can only hit the ball 30 metres on a good day, stick at it. Hobbies and sport can hold your attention and get you into a state of ‘flow’. While you are in the flow you forget about everything else.

Afterwards, you’ll feel competent and capable. It’s a great way to boost your self-esteem. Then, try to keep up your activity once or twice a week to maintain momentum.

It’s not all about you

Helping someone in need is sure-fire tonic for low self-esteem. Volunteer for a charity event or sign up for community help. Reaching out to someone in need benefits not only the receiver but the giver; generosity is an end in itself and you will feel the benefits.

Get an attitude

I’m not sure who said that “life is 90% attitude and 10% what happens to me” but they were a very wise person. Ralph Waldo Emerson (another very wise person) said, “To different minds, the same world is a hell, and a heaven.” It is all in what value you give to it! The problem is; changing our attitude can be easy in theory but much harder to do. A lot of it comes down to mental discipline and choosing not to go there. Harnessing your thought life and choosing to renew your mind is possible. When you feel yourself having a negative discussion with yourself in your head, physically get up, walk around and change spaces. Dwell on what is good, right, noble, kind and good; choose to refocus your thoughts away from destructive negativity and onto all things positive in your life.

Be thankful

Be grateful for everything in your life – and there is always something to be grateful for no matter how dark things feel. Be thankful for the good weather, for the roof over your head, for your health (weak bladder aside), for your family, for the ripe feijoas on the tree in your garden. Whatever it is, big or small, be thankful for the good things in your life.

These are just a few ideas you can use to gain confidence. If you have a story of how you conquered low confidence, particularly after suffering from incontinence, please email us and share your experience with others.