Leave Bad Decisions in the Past

If you are grappling with overwhelming regrets about a bad decision you have made, just how do you attempt to move on from this state? The following suggestions may help:

We’ve all made bad decisions, either in our personal or professional lives – or both. On reflection, we probably regret those decisions profoundly, but while some people are able to move on from their regrets, others find themselves trapped by a cycle of disturbing introspection. This unhealthy pattern of thinking can lead to examining a bad decision in minute detail; trying to decide how we could have better dealt with the situation, pondering over how our reputation or relationships have been harmed by it, and repeatedly wondering and worrying about where we might now be in life had we not made the bad decision.

But here’s the reality: we are all human, and making the occasional bad decision is part and parcel of human nature. It’s not something we can predict, and it not something we can forever avoid. We simply don’t have control of the universe to that degree. However, where we can hope to exert some degree of control, is in how we react to making a bad decision. It very much pays for us to react in a healthy way because introspection at an obsessive level is damaging. The sheer mental energy and physical time this process occupies, takes us away from our friends and family, and isolates us from the joys of life. It can even hinder our day to day work, domestic, and personal well-being routines.

If you are grappling with overwhelming regrets about a bad decision you have made, just how do you attempt to move on from this state? The following suggestions may help:

Look it in the face

So much angst about a bad decision comes from examining and re-examining it to see just how responsible we feel. Instead of doing this, look the situation in the eye, and if you are at fault, accept it. Hiding from responsibility or attempting to shift blame is a recipe for further introspection. With acceptance, you free yourself to move forward.

Feel the regret

Once you’ve accepted you made a bad decision, allow yourself to feel regret – regret for relationships or opportunities lost or damaged. Regret can take many forms, from anger or disappointment with yourself to grief and deep sadness. But don’t stay with regret for long, because to begin healing, you must make space for the next step, which is self-compassion.

Self-compassion

Self-compassion is not the same as opting out of responsibility. It is the process of reflecting on your decision, and of understanding what may have caused it. Perhaps you were weary to the point of misinterpreting a comment or a clause. Perhaps you were understandably at a low emotional ebb at the time. Or perhaps you were angry over something you couldn’t control and found release in hurting another. In situations where it is not possible to make amends for a bad decision, you are the only one who can forgive yourself. If you refuse to, you are making a trap for yourself. Instead, try saying out loud: “I forgive myself for my mistake.”

Learning and leaving

When we are forgiven, we have an opportunity to begin anew. In the case of forgiving ourselves, the least we can do is to vow to learn from our mistakes. To do this, take time to think about personal flaws that have been revealed through our bad decision, and how we might work to rectify these. Are we quick to anger? Do we value our own opinion so highly we cannot listen to others? Do we allow ourselves to be bullied in the workplace, or fail to stick up for others who are? Understanding how we behave, helps us avoid making the same mistakes again. Sometimes, a professional, such as a therapist or counsellor, can helps us with this understanding.

Moving on

Once we have some helpful answers to why we make bad decisions, it’s time to put our regrets in the past, and it won’t happen magically. Moving forward is about focusing on life in the present and not the mistakes of the past. It’s about inching our way forward by making time for friends and family and joyful pursuits. Most of all, when the old regrets come knocking (as they will), it’s about reminding yourself you’ve learned from your mistakes, and you are a human being, and not the failure you once imagined yourself to be.

Regrets are unavoidable. The secret to living life to the full, is in moving on from them in a healthy way.