Healthy Habits of Retired Couples – Time Out 3 Ways!

Retirement brings challenges as well as rewards. One of those challenges comes from the fact, weekends and sleep aside, a working couple may spend no more than 3-5 hours a day in each other’s company. Then, wham! Suddenly,  retirement means they’re living 24/7 in each other’s company.

Perhaps that’s why retired couples in healthy relationships make time to be apart – and find the benefits are huge. Time apart allows each of them to develop a sense of confidence as they tackle emotional and practical problems alone, and reminds them they love their partner for who they are and not only what they can do for them.

Time apart gives each person in the relationship an opportunity to independently think over problems affecting them as a couple. Sometimes, discussing challenges, as a couple, simply goes round in circles. Time out, whether it’s through a walk in the park or a weekend apart, reduces stress, clears the air and can help both partners see things from a new perspective.

When time out is spent with separate friend groups, it can serve as a healthy reminder to a partner that no one understands them more, or is more forgiving of their foibles, than their significant other. Time spent apart on separate activities also introduces new subject material into a relationship, and makes for stimulating conversation.

Spending time apart as a couple takes on a whole new dimension when romantic partners decide to commit to a relationship, yet agree to live apart. It’s not uncommon for senior couples who have met later in life, to do this. Couples who have met later in life often have their own established routines, and value their personal space more than couples who have raised a family and grown up together over the years. What’s more, following the death of, or separation from, a previous partner, the remaining partner may have fought hard to regain a sense of independence and confidence in relation to everything from maintaining a house to managing finances. And they don’t wish to give up those gains – something they perceive could happen if they were to co-habit with a new romantic partner.

Women, especially, may have spent their life taking care of a home, family, and spouse, and have decided, although they would enjoy the company of a romantic partner, they don’t necessarily wish to have the responsibility of caring for them through illness or incapacity. Or to have the responsibility of finding care for them should the time come. This, along with other generally accepted marriage commitments (forming relationships with in-laws, for example, or sharing bill paying), is not something they wish to enter into again.

Then there is the potential difficulty of dealing with adult children when a new partner moves into a family home in later life. Whether it’s because of potential financial complexities or because family and new-partner-personalities don’t ‘gel,’ many older adults simply don’t want discord, and take the easier path of ‘loving together’ but ‘living alone.’

Far from diminishing the commitment older adults feel towards each other, having time apart by deciding not to live with a romantic partner, can provide a sense of freedom that sees a relationship blossom, and as the years progress, keeps it fresh and exciting.

Regardless of whether you are living with, or separately from, your romantic partner, don’t be afraid to discuss with them the benefits of taking time out to be apart. If you are the one broaching the subject, make it clear this is not because you are concerned about the solidity of the relationship, but rather it is because you believe time-out can bring benefits to you both. If you are hearing a ‘time out’ request from your partner for the first time, try to understand their perspective rather than taking it as a criticism. Time apart is part and parcel of a healthy relationship for people of all ages.