Learning to Love Who You Are

Have you ever wondered why you’re so hard on yourself? Perhaps you simply take it for granted, and have never stopped to consider the negative, nagging, internal voice that tells you you’re too fat/too thin, too loud/too shy, too bossy/too meek, too needy, or too domineering (the list goes on), may not actually be telling the truth – or anything approximating it.

While not everyone has this problem, some psychologists believe it may apply to between 30% and 50% of the population. It can range in severity from feeling mildly negative about yourself, to a full-blown disorder requiring the help of a mental health professional to manage.

A negative internal voice can have its origins in a number of different sources. You may have grown up with a parent who was hard on themselves, and have absorbed this pattern of behaviour. You may have (or have had) a parent who was always critical of you, or a partner who put you down at every turn. Or you may simply have inherited the negative thinking tendency via genetics. Whatever the cause, listening to a berating internal voice can quickly develop into a habit difficult to shake.

One of the ways we can try to counter this negativity is by learning to love ourselves, and while the following self-love activities won’t replace the need for professional help where it’s required, it can be a start.

Love a list

Write a list of 20 (yup – that many!) things you like about yourself (if you’re having difficulty, ask a friend for some suggestions). Put the list somewhere you’ll be sure to see it several times a day (on the back of the loo door is a great place to start). Now, make a new list every week!

Make a date with yourself

Everyone is deserving of enjoyable time-out, but how often do we take it? Make a daily date with yourself to do something pleasant. It can be as simple as picking flowers from your garden and arranging them in a vase for the table. Or driving or bussing to a new destination for a carefree walk.

Be kind to yourself

These days, we’re bombarded with society’s demands: eat this/don’t eat that, volunteer, save-save-save, don’t waste food, cut back on the power bill … Not that these aren’t all good aims, but once a week, ignore the demands, and do what you feel like doing. Buy the take-away meal, splurge on a trinket, toss out the left over you don’t really want to eat, take a long hot shower, or fill the bath tub and enjoy a soak. Taking time out from daily demands is a reminder you’re worth more than any of them!

The positivity jar

Don’t wait for someone else to tell you you’ve done well, or it may never happen! Instead, find yourself a pretty container (or decorate one). Each time you do something you’re proud of, note it down, and pop it in the jar. Aim to post at least 5 ‘well done’ slips of paper a day. At the end of the week, empty them out, and paste them into a scrap book. When the negative inner voice starts hammering again, read through the positives!

Dress up

Looking good equates to feeling good, and it’s more than OK to put on a smart outfit, even if you’re staying home (isn’t that what aprons are for?). So get out the hair product, the make-up (if you wear it), and the top you’ve been saving for best – because you are the best!

Give yourself a hug

Yes, really – and especially if you live alone! Hug yourself because you’re huggable, and also because touch – even your own – lowers stress and helps ease the kind of tension a negative inner voice delights in promoting.

Practise these self-love activities – and others – often. Build them into your daily life until they swamp the negativity you don’t deserve.