Opposing Views – Low Key Ways to Handle Them

Opposing views and unacceptable comments come at us from all directions. When they arrive via TV, newspaper, or social media, they’re infuriating, but at least we have the opportunity to switch off, turn the page, or click to another site. We might even choose to say something out loud to vent our frustration, knowing full well there will be no response. In a social setting however, it’s not so easy. When opposing comments emanate from family, things can get even more tricky! After all, how to you tell the people you care about most you don’t agree with, or are not at all comfortable, with what they’ve just said?

While some people cope by saying nothing, and moving on, others feel, to remain silent, is to damage a relationship, long-term. Fortunately, there is a happy medium, and to help you find it, we’re offering the following suggestions for dealing with comments you wish had never been spoken.

Short and sharp

Some statements (even made in what the speaker considers to be ‘jest’) are so obviously inappropriate or bigoted, there’s no doubt in anyone’s mind they should never have been spoken. We’re talking here of racist or morally repugnant comments, or sexual slurs. They’re the sort of statements that don’t even deserve to be debated, and should be treated as such. If they come your way in the course of a conversation, simply counter with: “Well, you can’t expect me to agree with you.” Or you might try appealing to the person’s better nature by saying: “That’s not something I would have expected to hear from you.”

Repeating it back

If you’re left feeling shocked or uncomfortable by something said during the course of a conversation, try repeating the speaker’s statement back to them (this can be in the guise of trying to clarify or understand what they’ve just said). Once a speaker has heard their own words from the lips of another, they often reflect on what they’ve said, and in many cases, they will modify or retract their words. In which case, be gracious and welcome their change of opinion.

Double check

When a speaker makes unkind, untrue, or inappropriate statements, challenging them can feel overwhelming. If you find yourself in this kind of situation, forget the major challenge, and instead, say: “Is that right?” This little 3-word sentence can be enough to make a speaker question themselves over what they’ve just said, all the while it sounds like a casual, non-threatening comment from you.

Facial expression

A natural reaction to hearing a comment that makes you feel uncomfortable, is to smile. Not because you think the comment is amusing, or you agree with it; it’s simply a natural reaction to cover your own feelings of awkwardness. Then, of course, you end up feeling worse because you don’t want the speaker to think you are siding with them. Next time you find yourself in this awkward situation, let your facial expression signal concern (a frown), or confusion (a frown and a tilted head), or shock (eyes wide). Without saying a single word, you are letting the speaker know you’re not comfortable with what they’ve said.

The silent treatment

Silence speaks volumes. Simply by not replying to an offensive comment, you can let a speaker know you are not comfortable with what they’ve just said. However, you do have to manage that silence. In an intimate situation, such as a one-to-one conversation, you might deal with it by looking away (out the window, for instance, or down at your own hands or a drink you’re holding). In a social situation, try letting a moment pass before moving away to talk to another person.

Others, even those you know well, or love, do not have the right to draw you into opinions you are not comfortable with. Find ways to let them know you are not complicit, and your relationships will be better for it.