Lead and Live the Life you Want

John had announced his retirement 12 months prior to his departure date.  John had a very full and enjoyable 18 year career as the Head of Quality in a food manufacturing company. He loved the people, the products, the purpose of the company, it had been a very good ‘fit’ for him.  John was known as ‘the quality guy’ and his superpower had been getting people to take quality philosophies on board with enthusiasm and commitment. It was now John’s last week and he came to see me.  He said although he made the decision to retire 12 months prior, and thought he had worked through what that would mean, he was struggling with feelings of loss and uncertainty about what lay ahead.  His specific words were he was feeling a bit ‘untethered’.

Life transitions

Oxford Handbooks have a publication called Finding Meaning During the Retirement Process: Identity Development in Later Career Years.  Their research lead them to define retirement as: ‘a psychosocial process of identity transition and search for meaning (i.e., creation of a new identity), which is triggered by retirement events.’

In the chapter about identity-based retirement, they identify the various identity transition points we go through:

·       Growth stage (Birth – 14 years) thinking about careers starts with fantasy thinking based on needs and fantasy role play.  Images of ourselves in a career role play becomes more realistic with age.

·       Exploration stage (Age 15-24). Here we experiment with possible career identities (15-17) through choices such as courses, part time work and discussion.  We then transition into the labour market or professional training (18-21) and we create our occupational identity.

·       Establishment stage (Age 26-44).  We now start to create a permanent career identity and then go through a stabilization phase once we settle into our chosen career and become more comfortable with what we are doing.

·       Maintenance stage (Age 45-64).  Once we have become established in our work role, the focus turns to preserving that identity.

·       Decline stage (Age 65 onwards).  As physical and mental capabilities decline, a person’s work activities also change.  New roles may need to be found.  There might be a shift from fulltime work to part time and then to retirement.

Life transitions involve leaving one position and entering into another, they can create an identity crises which can include temporary instability, confusion, depression and anxiety.

But what happens when we leave our chosen career or vocations?  We can often find ourselves asking the question, who am I now?

How identity is created

Our identities are shaped in many different ways, including our cultural environment, family values, beliefs and customs and the communities we are part of.

Memories also shape identity.  Things we believe to be true that govern the way we behave and the experiences we have will also be reinforcing our identity.

Our identity is who we think and believe we are, it is our definition of ourselves.  Understanding our identity helps us decide whether we will go ahead with something or not.

As we go through life transitions, we need to update our identity to match where we are headed next.

Creating our Future Self

It was Abraham Lincoln who said “the best way to predict the future is to create it.”  If we want to lead and live the life we have always wanted, we need to update and upgrade our view of ourselves and go after what is possible.  This is where we need to create the big picture of our future self – who we want to become.

When we are creating our future self, we want to explore, in our minds or in our journals what our big picture for the future is. What do we see ourselves doing?  Who are we doing it with?  What are the conversations we are having?  What are the places we are visiting? How do we look and feel when we step into the future plan?  I love John Maxwell’s quote, “life is a matter of choices, and every choice you make makes you” so let’s get really clear on what we want.

I have worked with many people who create their future self, based off their career or job and when they have moved on from the job, they haven’t had clarity around what they would like to be doing next, so like John, they have felt somewhat untethered and adrift.

Identity and Taking Action

Getting clear on who we want to be is like getting your glasses prescription updated.  We often say, ah so that’s what the world is supposed to look like!  With greater clarity we can start to create the conditions for ourselves to achieve that new identity.  This is an important part of creating a life by design.

I also happen to believe it’s totally within our control.

Choose, decide, commit and take action to live your best life ever!