Beat those awkward moments – Five conversation starters that won’t let you down

There’s nothing more awkward than finding yourself in a social situation where you know absolutely no one, or where the one acquaintance you arrived with is otherwise occupied. After all, you can only look out the window for so long, and when you’ve admired all six paintings on the wall, what do you next? Armed with our fail proof conversation starters, however, you’ll soon be chatting confidently to the person next to you. Here’s how to go about it:

Make connections

Nothing gets conversation rolling more than making a connection. And there’re so many ways to do this. If you’re at an invitation-only occasion, find someone who’s not engaged in conversation and ask: “So, what’s your connection with Helen [the host]?” Then go on to explain how you know Helen. If the occasion is more general, try using location as a connecting point by asking “So, where is it you’re from?” or “What part of the city do you work in?” New Zealand is such a small place you’ll inevitably have something to say in reply (perhaps you’ve visited their town or know the building they work in).

Use context

If you’re at an occasion (such as an exhibition, a display, or a party plan evening) where there’s something to look at, ask a stranger what they’ve seen during the evening that appeals to them – but keep the question light so as not to intimidate. You might say: “I’ve seen a couple of paintings I like; how about you?” Or “I’m thinking of buying one of those – have you seen anything you’re keen on?” Don’t be afraid to use anything in the context of your surroundings to help start conversation – even the grass! “How does Jack get his lawn so perfect?” may be just the starter you need to get into a discussion on landscape gardening!

Seek advice

Absolutely everyone likes being asked for their opinion, so a question that elicits just that is bound to be met with a ready answer. When caught awkwardly alone, step up to the drinks table and ask the person next to you what vino or fruit juice they recommend. If you see a fellow party-goer contemplating the platters, ask them if they know what’s in the sandwiches/sushi. And be sure to point out a favourite nibble you’ve already tried – food and drink are great neutral topics of conversation.

Front up

One of the simplest, and most fail proof ways to start conversation is simply to approach someone standing alone, and hold out your hand with a friendly greeting such as: “Hi, I’m Liz.” Once they introduce themselves, as they surely will, come straight back with:“So, where are you from?” If you’ve sought out a guest who’s standing alone, they’ll be as grateful as you are to have someone to talk to.

Listen up!

From time to time it can and does happen that you really are the only person in the room who’s standing alone. If you find yourself in this position, the best policy to is to sidle up to a (largish) group of people and simply listen. When someone makes a comment you can relate to, or asks a question you can answer, come right out with a response. Even smiling or laughing at an amusing comment can be enough to have you feeling included.