Caring for an elderly parent when you, yourself, are in the retirement age bracket, is no walk in the park. In recent ‘Caring for an Elderly Parent’ article series, we’ve covered a range of topics on this difficult and demanding task. Now, we bring you tips and suggestions on how to recognise when your parent may require your support when they attend GP appointments, and how you can facilitate this.
A doctor’s appointment is highly confidential. It is also one of the most private situations we are likely to encounter as an adult. However, there may come a time when it is no longer appropriate for an elderly parent to attend a GP appointment alone. This can be for a number of reasons, including the following:
- Prior to their going into the appointment, your parent has little or no memory of why they are visiting their GP.
- You and your parent have made a written list of questions for your parent to take to their GP but your parent forgets they have the list with them.
- Following the appointment, your parent has little or no recall of their doctor’s advice. Evidence of this would be their being unable to discuss the appointment with you when they are usually happy to do so.
- Your parent is confused (or is trying to hide confusion) about advice they were given by their GP. Evidence of this would be their being unclear, dismissive, or evasive when you ask how they ‘got on’ at the appointment.
- Your parent is receiving prescriptions but does not remember to present them at their pharmacy. Evidence of this would include finding unfilled prescriptions in their handbag or pocket.
- No change in a condition for which your parent sought a GP appointment.
Making the decision to attend a GP appointment with your parent should not be taken lightly. Before you embark on this plan, be sure to discuss it with any siblings who also have your parent’s welfare at heart. In particular, be sure to talk about it with any sibling who has Enduring Power of Attorney for personal care and welfare (invoked, or otherwise) for your parent. Most importantly, discuss the need with your parent. When you do this, be compassionate. Instead of telling them you think they are not handling the visit as they need to, suggest it may help to have you in the consultation room to take notes you can both refer to later. Be sure to let your parent know you don’t need to be in the consultation room for the entire appointment, and you can leave once you’ve noted down the basic information you need to take away.
Once you have your parent’s permission to attend the appointment, prepare in advance in the following ways:
- Book an appointment time best suited to your parent’s energy levels and routine (for example, if they are a late riser, make an afternoon appointment).
- Consider making a double appointment if you feel there are a number of issues to be discussed.
- Advise your GP ahead of time that you have your parent’s permission to attend the appointment (in order to reassure the GP of this, be prepared to reconfirm your parent’s permission once you are both in the consultation room).
- Have a duplicate list of issues you wish your parent to discuss with their GP (that way, your parent can take the lead by consulting their list, and you can gently prompt from your list if they miss anything).
- If your parent forgets or confuses any important information in the course of discussion with their GP, don’t correct them outrightly. Instead, lead with a prompting question such as: “I wonder if you may have had a fall last week, Dad? I seem to recall you telling me about tripping on the mat in the bathroom.”
- It is unlikely your doctor will address you, rather than your parent, but if they do, gently and politely steer their question back to your parent by repeating their enquiry to your parent, as in: “What do you think, Dad: has your shoulder been feeling more painful lately?”
- Take notes while you are in the appointment so you and your parent can refer to them after you leave the consultation room.
- Once all issues on your list have been addressed, politely excuse yourself from the room with a line such as: “I’m going to pop back to the waiting room, Mum, so you can have some time on your own with Dr Smith.” In doing this, you will gain the respect of your doctor and your parent, and pave the way for your attending appointments with your parent in the future.
Deciding there is a need to attend a GP appointment with an elderly parent signals a significant shift in your parent’s need for support. By handling the situation compassionately (with your parent) and professionally (with their GP) you can make this transition as dignified and helpful as possible.
