One of the joys of retirement is being in the position to occasionally treat loved ones – an ice-cream at the park for the grandies, a coffee with a niece or nephew, or a ticket to the ballet for a friend who might not otherwise be able to afford to attend. For those who have significant savings, there may even be an opportunity to provide a loan to a family member to help them secure a first home.
But these examples are all forms of generosity we make independently. No one is coercing us into them, threatening or implying unpleasant consequences if we don’t agree to them, or sowing the seeds of guilt should we not comply with them. And they certainly don’t involve theft or fraud. If any of these unwanted situations (along with many others) applied, we’d be talking, not about generosity, but about a serious issue known as ‘financial elder abuse.’ And while it can happen in the home where family, ‘friends,’ or domestic help can be the perpetrators, it can also take place in formal care institutions.
Financial abuse can involve direct theft such as a bank card going missing from a handbag, unexpected items appearing on a bank statement, or cash disappearing from the house. It can also be more subtle, such as an adult child living in a parent’s home and not contributing to essentials, such as food or energy bills, where it would normally be expected. On a grander scale, it can involve an online scam (romantic or otherwise). It may also involve a loan, or the interest on a loan, not being paid. Particularly insidious is financial elder abuse involving an older person being coerced into altering their will, family trust details, or enduring power of attorney. Or even being pressured into selling their home or handing over its ownership to another.
Standard emotional tactics used by financial elder abusers include the withdrawal (or threat of withdrawal) of affection or contact. In fact, when financial abuse is happening in our own lives, two of the greatest reasons we may wish to disbelieve or overlook it are the fear of loneliness should our abuser leave us, and the shame of having others realise what we are experiencing.
At a physical level, emotional elder abuse can include material neglect. Whenever an older person relies on another for help with personal care, food preparation, shopping, taking of medicines, and even warmth, they can quickly become prey to an abuser who wishes to benefit from them financially.
Spotting the signs of financial elder abuse in others is never easy because financial affairs are often kept private. However, clues to watch for in friends and family members include their not having enough money for essentials such as energy bills, prescription medicines, or groceries. You may notice they are reluctant to socialise if it involves a cost, or they begin selling possessions they previously held dear (or possessions disappear from their home without reason). In conversation, you may become aware of their plans to visit a lawyer to change their will or hand over possession of their home to another. When an older person no longer chats freely about a friend, family member, home help, or ‘internet friend,’ there may be a reason for it – and the reason may be they are being abused financially.
Sadly, spotting signs of financial elder abuse in others is often easier than recognising or accepting its occurrence in our own lives. To this end, perhaps the most important question we can ask ourselves is this: ‘Would we wish on another, what we ourselves are experiencing?’ If the answer is ‘no,’ or even if we are ‘not quite sure,’ then it’s time to seek help.
Whether you are concerned for yourself or a friend, or you’re simply wanting more information about financial elder abuse, reach out to The Elder Abuse Response Service. It’s a confidential, free, 24-hour helpline (ph 0800 32 668 65), email support@elderabuse.nz, or text 5032. Where immediate danger is involved, always call 111 and ask to speak to the police.
There is no shame and nothing to fear in reporting or enquiring about financial elder abuse. Your finances are your own. Full stop!