Depression doesn’t discriminate. It can hit anyone, at any time. When it affects those we love – a friend, partner, a parent, a son or daughter, or a grandchild, what we want to do most of all, is to help.
Symptoms of depression can vary from person to person, but some of the more common ways in which it manifests is through overwhelming feelings of sadness, emptiness, and hopelessness. Depression is often exhibited through tears, anger, irritability (especially in children and teens), tiredness, anxiety, restlessness, and even physical pain. A sufferer may lose interest in food, or resort to food as a source of comfort. Weight loss or weight gain can therefore also be signs of depression, as can a loss of interest in everyday activities the sufferer once found pleasurable.
People experiencing depression may not realise what is causing these feelings, or they may feel they should be able to overcome them, simply by ‘bucking up’ or ‘getting on with life.’ In which case, when this plan of attack doesn’t work, they can feel even worse, and blame themselves for their symptoms. They may even begin to believe the way they feel is ‘normal’ and they just have to ‘put up with it.’ Someone experiencing depression does not have a ‘normal’ outlook on life, and without professional intervention, they are unlikely to recover. What’s more, without the help of family or friends, they may not seek the intervention they require – which is where you can help.
If you are concerned for a loved-one whom you think may be suffering from depression, it’s important, in the very first instance, to ensure they are not a danger to themselves. To do this, you could ask your loved-one directly, contact their health care provider, talk to your own doctor, and also access helpful online information, such as Mental Health Foundation of NZ or Healthify He Puna Waiora. Don’t delay seeking help.
On a day to day basis, don’t shy away from telling your loved one you are concerned about them. Let them know what you’ve observed in them that makes you concerned they may be suffering from depression. Even if your loved one knows their mental health is not what it should be, they may still be unable to independently seek the professional help they require – they may be ashamed to admit they have a problem or simply not have the physical or mental strength to seek it out. So, offer to make the contacts for them, and to take them to an appointment. Let them know you’ll accompany them to the appointment if they would like someone to be with them, or you’ll help them access someone else who they would like to be with them when they talk to a professional.
For someone suffering from depression, attending an appointment can feel daunting or even overwhelming. If this is the case, it can help your loved one to write down how they are feeling so they can take this with them to their appointment. They might also like help with writing down the questions they want to ask their professional.
In can take time for a mental health appointment to become available. Until it does, check in with your loved one on a regular basis, about how they are managing, and if their condition is deteriorating, seek urgent help. While you wait, help your loved one in practical ways by listening, giving positive comments to counteract negative feelings, providing meals, accompanying them on daily walks (or another form of exercise) and other outings, offering hope by reminding them treatment for depression is available, and assisting with daily self-help tasks like bed-making, laundry, housekeeping, and personal care. If your loved one wants to reach out, online, to mental health services, direct them here.
Caring for a loved one with a mental health issue is tiring – even exhausting. So, be sure to care for yourself as you go about this essential task (Carers NZ has some helpful advice about how to do this). Depression is a serious condition, but it is also well recognised, and there is hope for those we love, who suffer from it.