Loosing contact with your grandchildren can occur for many reasons. While sad for everyone concerned, it is the grandkids who are the ones who miss out the most. Obviously, the best solution is one which every party involved is happy, but unfortunately this is not usually the case. Today we discuss how you as a grandparent can cope if you are in this situation.
What’s Happened to Your Relationship with Your Grandchildren?
It can be confusing as to why things change regarding the amount of time you spend with your grandchildren. Perhaps you may have seen the writing on the wall but hoped it wouldn’t happen. Or you may know exactly what has happened and why you are being prevented to see or have limited access with your grandkids. The most common reasons why grandparents see less of their grandkids are divorce or separation and family fights, especially between mother and daughter in laws.
However, the key thing to remember here is that the parents have the legal right to make decisions regarding the care of their children, not the grandparents. But what can you do if you’re stopped from seeing your grandkids?
How to Cope if Access to Your Grandkids is Refused or Reduced
First up, you need to take a step back and acknowledge the role you have played in these events. In the case of a family fight, both sides will have a different point of view. Sometimes it is best to let the other party share their side with you first. It may help having a neutral party to act as a go between too. Taking responsibility for any of your actions which have led to the access refusal or reduction is paramount. Don’t try to blame it all on the parents: they are most likely protecting their children in the only way they know how.
Next you need to find out when you can see your grandkids. It may be that you are not being refused access, even though the amount you see your grandkids has been reduced. Compromising with the parents is crucial. Suggest meeting with your grandkids in a public place, either with their parents or another person to care for the kids if tension is high between everyone.
Send emails, letters, postcards and parcels to your grandkids. Text the parents and arrange times to Skype or talk on the phone. Call them at Christmas and birthdays even if you weren’t invited. By continually showing your grandkids that you love them, you maintain that important communication and place in their lives.
Taking the step to apply to the Family Court for a Parenting Order to see your grandchildren should not be taken lightly. It is not to be used as a bargaining chip, a threat or revenge. Be aware that the consequences of doing so may end up causing more damage with your relationship with the parents and the grandchildren. Also, depending on the circumstances, your actions can be seen by the court as frivolous, especially if you are responsible for the situation in the first place.
To learn more about the legal rights of grandparents in New Zealand, please read our article The Legal Rights of Grandparents.