If you’ve ever found yourself lying awake at night with a worry on your mind, you’ll know that by morning, your concerns are likely to have multiplied ten-fold. Challenging problems switch on our body’s production of a hormone called cortisol. Cortisol facilitates a ‘fight or flight’ response to stress, which is very useful when we’re faced with a significant and imminent danger such as an approaching tornado. However, all that cortisol isn’t so great when it comes to helping us solve more long-term problems. In fact, when excess cortisol hangs around for too long, it can actually impair our thinking.
Everyone faces worries from time to time, but as we grow older, we can be burdened with more than our fair share of them. Health issues, grief, the loss of independence, home and maintenance issues, and simply navigating changes essential to managing everyday life, beset an older age group more than they do a younger one. So it’s more important than ever to understand the value of sharing problems with others.
If excess cortisol is the hormone that clouds our thinking, emotional off-loading (sharing a concern with a supportive ‘other’) is the antidote. When we confide in a trusted friend or family member, chat to a counsellor or even an attentive listener on a help line, the cortisol levels reduce and we feel a reduction in stress. This is because connecting with another in this way results in the brain releasing a helpful hormone called ‘oxytocin.’ Oxytocin is sometimes nicknamed the ‘cuddle’ hormone because it engenders feelings of trust, and security. As it helps calm us, we see a concern for what it is rather than the monster our ‘cortisol-driven’ brain has built it into.
But life isn’t all biology – and it wouldn’t be right if we attributed all our problem-solving to brain chemicals. In fact, there are some very practical reasons for sharing a concern rather than keeping it to yourself. As we grow older, we can sometimes lose sight of the fact others have ‘been-there-done-that’ before us and they can often shed light on what we come to see as unsolvable problems. Take the example of a person whose mobility decreases to the point where they can’t lug their wheelie bin up the drive on collection day. They worry about it ongoingly until their similarly aged friend explains they park their wheelie bin close to the collection area and take a small bag of rubbish out to it each day. Problem solved. Health professionals are even more full of useful advice because they encounter so many seniors finding smart ways to maintain their independence.
Sharing concerns also has the potential to provide practical support. If you’re struggling to change light bulbs, fix window catches, or replace a washer on your tap, and you talk about it (especially in a group situation), there will almost certainly be someone who can point you in the direction of a local handy person professional whose business it is to manage just this sort maintenance. Problem sharing also helps build your social network because part of being human is that we want to help each other. What may seem like a difficulty to you may be someone else’s area of expertise (and joy) – and a bond of friendship will be shared if you accept their offer of help.
Between the harmful and helpful roles of various brain chemicals, and the listening ear of an empathetic friend, family member, or professional, seniors have every reason to give up the sleepless nights of worry. By sharing a problem, we halve a problem – and make more time for enjoying life!