If there’s one thing most parents wish for, it’s to have the best possible relationship with their adult kids. We’re not talking about the kind of relationship where you become a dogsbody in order to please your kids, or where being the Bank of Mum and Dad is the only thing cutting the mustard. We’re talking about being there for your grownup kids in ways that make a deep difference to their lives. If this is to happen, we first need to know what it is they really wish they could ask of us. Which is why, in this part 2 article of ‘A cry from our adult kids,’ we’ve gone undercover to find out. Read on for the intel!
Grow the grandies
Parents today have a difficult balancing act. They’re bringing up children in the midst of a cost of living crisis; often working every hour of the day simply to pay the mortgage and put food on the table. It leaves little opportunity for the extras such as spending one-on-one sessions with their children. Which is why your grownup kids wish, more than anything, you would invest quality time in your grandchildren. It might be popping round to do some baking with them, teaching them how to knit or sew, coaching them in a sport they’re keen on, or helping them repair their bicycle. However you do it, when you give time to your grandchildren which their mum and dad just can’t spare, you’re building a meaningful relation with your adult child as well as your grandchild.
Reduce the worry
Do you realise how much your grownup kids worry about you? They may not articulate it, but you’re on their minds more than you realise. If you live alone, they worry you’re lonely. If you’re frail, they worry you’ll fall. Yet they’re also conscious of your need for independence. It’s a balancing act that can sometimes have them feeling as though they’re treading on eggshells. This is why they’ll appreciate it if you (rather than they) bring up any security or safety needs you may have. Such as a hand grip you want in the shower, the security light you’d like to have installed at the front door, and the fact you’ve found someone to water-blast your path. Take the initiative over your own security and safety, and your grownup kids will thank you to the moon and back.
Declutter!
If you’ve noticed your adult kids looking around your garage lately, they’re not trying to find a screwdriver –they’re trying to work out how many skips it will take to dispose of your junk when the time comes! Seriously, though, have you ever given a thought about who is going to clear the decks if you downsize or when you eventually pass away? Your adult kids don’t want to be left with the job, so what they really wish, is you would do the declutter now! In fact, if you make a start, they’ll be so pleased, they’ll be volunteering to turn up with a trailer!
Last wishes
The death of an older parent in any family is traumatic. However, it is made so much worse when surviving family members have no idea of their loved ones wishes regarding funeral arrangements. Most adult kids don’t know how to ask their ageing parents about this, but it doesn’t mean they don’t wish they knew. One of the kindest things you can do for your children is to note down what you wish to take place after your death. Then, when you’ve done that, let them know where you’ve stored the information.
Building the best relationship with your adult kids is all about meeting them where they’re at, making time for their own children, and being honest about your own needs.