Part 1 – Out on Your Own
Sleeping solo isn’t anything new. Historically, in many royal marriages, separate bedrooms were considered the norm, often because formal relationships were more about politics and convenience than they were about genuine affection. In the distant past, among the upper classes of several nations, having a separate bedroom to retreat to was a luxury not only affordable, but convenient, especially during weekend house parties when partner swapping was so common it was seldom even questioned. However, you may be surprised to realise just how many couples today, and from all social stratas, practise ‘sleep divorce’ (as it is sometimes referred to). If you don’t believe us, chat to any of your ‘attached’ friends about the subject, and it’s likely you’ll find around a third to a quarter of them now sleep in separate beds (to a lesser or greater extent). Why they do so, how they manage it, and the pros and cons of the practice, are what we want to look into in this three part mini-series: ‘Separate Slumber.’ Today, we begin by taking a peek at some of the more ‘healthy’ reasons for older couples seeking a solo sleeping routine.
Changing routines
When both partners were working full time, it was a case of going to bed as early as possible in order to get enough sleep, then getting up again in time to go to work. Retirement allows for a more relaxed routine, and partners don’t always adopt the same one. When one partner comes to bed later than another, or gets up earlier, it’s a recipe for sleep disturbance.
Bathroom visits
As we grow older, it’s normal to need to get up more often during the night to visit the bathroom. As these ‘visits’ aren’t something partners can necessarily synchronise, one partner often wakes the other – a ‘dance’ that can result in twice the amount of broken sleep for both.
Health
It’s not uncommon for older sleepers to be challenged with health issues. Whether it’s pain, and often, the need to wake to take medication to quell it, or restless legs resulting in lighter sleeping, the movement of a sleep-disrupted partner next to you in bed can mean your own sleep becomes interrupted, too.
Noisy sleepers
You may have been able tolerate your partner’s occasional light snoring when you were younger, but as they’ve aged, it’s likely it’s become louder and more frequent. This can be for many reasons, including the fact, as we age, the muscles in our throat can lose strength. As these muscles, which worked to keep the breathing passages open as we slept, lose tone, the airways lose their rigidity. The result is the vibration of air in the throat (snoring). Weight gain (something which can tend to happen with age), can also contribute to snoring, especially if the weight gain is centred around the chest and neck.
Changing sleep patterns
With ageing, many find their sleep patterns change. Whereas, once, it was a case of falling asleep easily and sleeping soundly until morning, the increasing years can bring bouts of insomnia, problems dropping off to sleep, waking before dawn and being unable to return to sleep, or sleeping more during the day and, consequently, less at night. Even the quietest of couples lying awake at night can disturb their sleeping partner.
Couples often seek out separate beds, or even separate rooms, in order to gain the hours of sleep they need to remain healthy and refreshed. This is completely understandable, and usually acceptable to both partners. However, there are situations where the choice for ‘sleep divorce’ is not one considered emotionally healthy, and it’s this we will consider in the second mini-series. Stay tuned!