Bumper Stickers

• All men are idiots, and I married their King.

• So many stupid people… so few comets.

• Your kid may be an honorrs student, but you're still an idiot.

• Cover me. I'm changing lanes.

• I Brake for no apparent reason.

• Learn from your parents' mistakes — use birth control.

• Forget about World Peace…Visualize using your turn signal.

• Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

• It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.

• Auntie Em, Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy.

• Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.

• Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

• The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.

• Work is for people who don't know how to fish.

• I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

• Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.

• If you don't like the news, go out and make some.

• Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

• Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.

• Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

• OK, who stopped payment on my reality check?

• Few women admit their age; fewer men act it.

• I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

• Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW.

• It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.

• According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.

• Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

• We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.

• Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.

• Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

• Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.

• Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

• Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

• Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder…

• There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.