“What work do you do?” It’s a simple question but a defining one, and it’s often one of the initial enquiries made when we meet someone for the first time. Our answer immediately gives clues as to who we are, our background education and skills, and often, our income. More importantly, it leads on to conversation based around our work. When people retire, they often continue to define themselves by what their work was in the past. Yet it doesn’t really describe who they now are.
Redefining who you are in retirement doesn’t happen overnight. In fact, there is often a transition period where it is perfectly acceptable to describe yourself as a ‘retired teacher/engineer/cleaner’ etc. But at some stage, the transition period wears out, and if we don’t have a new ‘self’ in the wings, we can quickly become lost, confused, sometimes even depressed, as we grapple with who we really are post-work, and what the meaning of our new life is all about.
On the positive side, redefining who you are post-retirement builds feelings of confidence, vitality, pride, and usefulness. Along with redefining who we are as retirees, comes the opportunity to take up hobbies and interests we have let lapse due to work commitments. It can free us to mentor, volunteer, study, travel, or learn new skills. Suddenly, instead of defining ourselves as who we once were in the workplace, we are freed to define ourselves as the eclectic person we have become.
Building relationships is a huge part of redefining who we are. From being a barely present grandparent, we may become a close buddy to younger grandchildren, and an advisor and confident to an older child. We may get to know our elderly parents in a more intimate way, or navigate new friendships altogether. For some, single post-retirees, there is at last time to establish a romantic relationship.
Realising we have the time and energy to redefine ourselves and to invest in our retirement, can seem overwhelming for some. It is as though we have suddenly been let loose, and after so many years of being contained, we don’t know where to run to first. That’s why, if you’re feeling apprehensive, it can help to engage a retirement life coach or to talk to a counsellor. Thanks to the wonders of the internet, you can do this from the privacy of your own home, signing up for a single chat or a series of check-in’s as you navigate the next stage in your life.
However you set out to redefine your retirement self, don’t expect to navigate this period without effort. Just as you had to work hard at your job before you became skilled at it, so you may have to work hard at finding out who you now want to be, followed by making it happen. As you do this, don’t brush off any imperfect experiences. Your first days in your job (if you can remember back that far!) were unlikely to have been easy. There were people to get to know, mistakes to be made, and a period (before things got better) during which you almost certainly contemplated quitting! So, promise yourself to stick at an endeavour (whether it’s joining a new social group, learning a new sport – or taking up at old one – or making new friends) for a decent length of time (some people say it can take up to two years to establish intimate friendships).
As you go about acquiring the social structures necessary for defining who you are post-retirement, be patient with yourself, and remember you now have all the time in the world to get there. If you do this, next time someone asks “What do you do?” you may find yourself answering “Where do I start!”