Think back 10 years, to when smart phones were no longer a novelty, but popular. So popular, that 70% of adults owned one. Around the same time, kids were getting them, too, and the more they did, the more we adults became concerned young people were paying too much attention to their screens and not enough to ‘real life.’ At the time, adults were still managing to maintain a pretty strict etiquette about how to handle the little screen in their pockets, at least to the extent they felt embarrassed about getting out their mobile at the dinner table or checking notifications mid-conversation with a friend. When apps arrived on the scene, kids seemed to embrace them more quickly than grownups, so adults were even more confused about why young people were more devoted than ever to their mobile screens. This situation didn’t last long, however. With the arrival of Candy Crush, Solitaire, and now Wordle, the tide has turned, and now it’s the younger generation saying ‘Woah!’ to their parents and grandparents screen fixation.
If you’re wondering why, think back to the time you spent with your own parents and grandparents, and what you valued most about it. Could it be when they were with you, they were actually with you? Whether it was watching you play sport, pushing you on a swing, or singing songs together in the car, you were actually part of the same activity. Even when you were looking at the TV screen together, you were both looking at the same screen, talking about the same movie, and delighting in the same humour or sentimentalism.
Today, the digital world is an individual and solitary one, and much of what we view is designed to be addictive. Which means even when your children or grandies do decide they want your attention (rather than fixating on their own screen), you’re unlikely to be available to them. As an adult, you will likely have the capacity to understand why your child or grandchild is glued to their phone when you would rather they spent time with you. But as a child, that sense of understanding is unlikely to be available. Which is why, when you keep your attention on your screen when your child or grandchild wants to engage with you, it can feel to them like rejection. It can even send them back, more than ever, to the reassuring ‘comfort’ of their own screen.
However, life and love is built on the back of meaningful human connection, not interaction with a device. It’s something the younger generation, more than any other demographic, is now being taught. Which is why you shouldn’t be surprised when your children and grandchildren ask you to put aside your device in favour of spending time with them. When this happens, treat it as a sign of respect your young ones value you enough to want your full attention. At the very least, treat their request as a wake-up call, not a criticism. Put down your device, no matter how hard it may feel, and give your full attention to what the young person in front of you is saying. Better still, pre-empt their requests by making some rules about your own screen behaviour when they’re in the house. Your rules might look something like this:
- Screens are off limits between the hours of xx and xx.
- Phones are out of the room during meals times.
- When you’re at the park, the pool, the beach, or the family gathering, phones stay in the car or go in a basket in another room (OK – you might allow one phone to be on the bench for photo ops – but that’s the limit).
Think, too, about what you might replace phone time with. Whether it’s board games, a family movie, cooking a meal together, or playing a game of cricket or Pétanque, make the activity one you’re all involved in 100% of the time. Because that’s called being together!
Next time your child or grandchild asks you to put down your device, don’t be offended. Take it as the compliment it is, and engage to the max with the one you love!