Your decision to move home was made months ago – after considerable thought, discussion with family, and a genuine belief, on careful balance, it was the best thing for you to do. What’s more, you really felt you’d prepared yourself for the stress of the move. So why, now the time has arrived to leave your home, are you gripped by what many who have faced the same situation, refer to as sadness, grief, anxiety, and even regret?
If you are finding yourself in a similar situation, and you’re struggling to understand why you are so unhappy about a move which, logically, you know is the right one, it can help to think of yourself as a mature tree. A tall tree has spent many years putting down strong roots – roots that have nourished it in good seasons, and kept it steady through many a storm. Those roots attach the tree to the place it now calls home. No wonder, then, the act of moving can feel, quite literally, as if you are tearing up your roots and leaving behind all that anchors you to what you know and treasure.
At the same time you face leaving behind all that has nourished you in the past, you are almost certainly exhausted from the physical aspects of the moving process – the sorting, decision making, and packing. Your sleep will likely be disturbed, and you are probably skipping meals or making do on the bare minimum. Coupled with the incredible amount of administration a move requires of you (changing utility providers, redirecting mail, attending farewells), your body and mind can combine to call a halt to reasonable thinking. It sets you on a path of negative emotions which block out the excitement and pleasant anticipation you had previously felt. No wonder moving home is up there on the list of life’s greatest stressors.
If you are facing a move, no amount of preparation can insulate you entirely from emotional upset. However, there are ways you can mitigate the fall-out. Here are some:
Keep to routines
As much as possible, keep to your daily routines (including regular exercise, preparing and eating healthy meals, and getting a good night’s sleep). While all around you may feel (and, actually be, chaotic), maintaining your routines will keep you grounded and boost your resilience.
Nourish yourself
Add plenty of healthy snacks to your days. Fresh fruit is easy to prepare, even when all that’s left after the movers have started their job, is a vegetable knife and cutting board. Also try to graciously accept offers of meals from friends and family.
Practise relaxation
Even if you’ve never been one to sit back and listen to music, soothing stories, or practise breathing exercises, now may the time to start. Check out the free Medito app to get you started.
Count your blessings
Leaving your home is leaving much of what has made your days pleasurable. Help yourself to visualise an equally fulfilling life in your next destination by bringing to mind the pleasurable possibilities you know it will offer. Do this purposefully such as writing them down, adding to them at regular intervals. Leave your list in a place you will see it often during the day, and if you wake at night and feel anxious, beside your bed too.
Remind yourself of your strengths
Moving home can make you feel vulnerable, so now, more than ever, is a time to remind yourself of your strengths. Morning and night, write down 5 strengths you know you have (or you know others believe you have). They may include such attributes as ‘confidence’ (to join new clubs and approach potential friends), ‘courage’ (to ask for help), ‘kindness’ (to show to new acquaintances), and ‘physical strength’ (to create a new garden or change the colour of a room with a coat of paint). Perhaps one of your strengths is also ‘loyalty’ (so you can be sure you’ll keep in touch with old friends).
Be patient
Be patient with yourself. The way you are feeling is perfectly understandable so don’t berate yourself for feeling the way you do. Accept it, and have faith it will pass. Be patient, too, as you wait for your situation to change. It can take time to make new friends and find new groups. It won’t all happen at once (although it might!), but it will eventually, little by little.
It is extremely unlikely your well-considered, well-supported decision to move home is one you will regret in the long term. Have faith in yourself.