Sometimes fate can be a bit cruel. Accidents, illnesses and some genetic conditions can rob those we love of their ability to speak or communicate clearly.
I have one such friend – hit with a stroke at the age of 35 – from being a fit, smart corporate woman to completely dependent in one fell swoop. She had to learn everything again from scratch, and several years later, her speech is still severely limited.
However, one underestimates her at their peril. Inside that gorgeous head, her wit and intelligence is still there, at times frustratingly limited by her ability to verbalise her thoughts.
In this situation, it is a fairly natural reaction to try and help her out by anticipating what she has to say, or filling in words for her. However, if you are caring for, or interacting with, someone whose speech is impaired, you could instead try saying, “it’s ok, I can wait.”
If you are flustered in everyday life, you can temporarily lose words, and it’s awfully frustrating when people prompt you. Now imagine that happening all the time. Anxiety can compound issues with speech, so take away any implicit expectation that words need to be fired out quickly. Wait patiently (even continue doing something different for a few moments), but be ready to listen attentively when their words arrive.
Interestingly, the same frustration can occur in children who are learning to speak – if they know what they want to say, they will NOT take kindly to a big person interrupting them!
Conversation can happen in many ways – you can also augment traditional speech with sign language (even if you have your own improvised language with your loved one), by writing ideas down or by using apps which help those who are verbally challenged.
The most important this to remember is that a lack of language does not mean a lack of engagement or intelligence – keep your friend or loved one included as much as you can in regular conversation. Keep an eye out for any contributions they wish to make and learn how to give them the time and patience they need, without having them feel like everyone is waiting for them.
Conversations in small groups are usually easier for them to contribute to and be included in. At a large boisterous dinner table, they may simply feel overwhelmed and withdraw.
You can also have conversations while doing other relaxing tasks – walking, doing jigsaw puzzles or cooking together – rather than focusing solely on speech, there is companionship and they may feel less pressure. Just don’t allow any feelings of discomfort or sadness you may have to stop you from talking to or with them – isolation is a very real issue for verbally challenged people – keep in touch and keep them included.
If you have any tips to share, please add them in the comments below.