There’s no way to soften this, so brace yourself: the fact is, you’re a grown-up and if there are aspects of your life within your control you don’t enjoy, isn’t it high time you ditched them? We’re not talking about ‘making monumental changes’ (at least, not for now) but rather dealing with the everyday disappointments and frustrations you’ve accepted and endured (possibly for years) simply because they’ve become habitual. Or because you fear offending, or (and aren’t we all guilty of this) because you’re just too unmotivated to make the change. These daily drag-me-downs come in all sorts of dispiriting shapes and sizes, and they can impact us more negatively than we realise. The good news, though, is once you decide to ditch them, you’re on your way to being a happier person. Ready to act? Then read on to discover two examples of common downers grown-ups put up with far too long, and how to ditch them.
The hair stylist
You like her – she’s bright and chatty, always welcoming, knows almost everything about you, and delivers you a great cup of coffee while your colour is curing. What’s more, you know everything about her – including how much she depends on her job now she and her partner have split up and she has the kids on her own. Sounds like a close relationship you have going, but here’s the thing: for the last few months, you’ve left the salon feeling like you look ten years older than you really are (as in: what part of ‘I don’t want to be grey’ does your stylist not understand?). Yet, despite the continuing ‘not being heard,’ you feel overwhelmingly responsible to keep returning to the salon and another round of disappointing appointments. After all, if you don’t, your stylist may not have a job, or worse still, not like you!
If this sounds familiar, we have some news for you. You are not responsible for your stylist or her job (in fact, your walking away from the salon will barely be noticed). Nor do you owe anyone an explanation. Your relationship with your stylist may feel intimate (because of the setting in which it’s conducted) but she’s a professional, and you’re a paying client. This gives you choices rather than obligations. So, when she goes to rebook you, just politely say you’ll phone when you’re ready (which, if you’re smart, will be never). No one is hurt, you don’t have to face disappointment (again), and you get to experiment with a new stylist.
The committee
How long have you been secretary for that committee you so don’t enjoy? Two years? Three? Ten? Sure, it started off well; you did it for a good cause, and fellow members were enthusiastic, and supportive of you. But over the last year, meetings have become a hotbed of griping, sniping, and duty-dodging. You dread turning up each month, and worse still, you dread the conversations you have in your head afterwards about what you wished you had (or hadn’t) said. So, what is it that keeps you so determined to hold office? Is it you think you’re the only one who can handle the job? Or the organisation will fall over if you step down?
So often, we burden ourselves with responsibilities that should be shared, or passed on to another. The fact is, few individuals are indispensable. If they were, organisations would fall over on a daily basis. Moreover, you’ve taken your share of responsibility, and now it’s time for another to step up to the mark. So instead of continuing on with your secretary role that drags you down, walk away from it knowing you’ve done your time. No one is going to hold it against you. On the contrary, for the first time ever, they may actually realise just how grateful they are for the role you’ve played!
Whether you’re being dragged down at your hair salon, club committee meeting, volunteer job, or worship service (the list goes on), isn’t it time you said ‘sayōnara’? Life’s too short to face another disappointment – especially when you’re a grown up, and there’s no reason in the world why you need to!