So if it’s so scary, why do we do it? And what happens if it backfires on us?
Firstly – analyse the situation.
For example; You haven’t spoken with your best friend in 10 years, since she refused to attend your wedding. You’re hurt, you’re let down and you’re still angry and holding a grudge. However, you have the same circle of friends, you live in the same town and quiet frankly you miss your friendship!
Situations like this where it’s an emotional breakdown with a friend or family member are tricky, and you don’t want to feel more hurt by the end of it. So accept that before you make contact with them – can you forgive them for what has happened?
If the answer is no and you still feel anger and resentment, then reconciling this friendship may be more hassle than it’s worth. On the other hand if the answer is a begrudging yes, then that’s a good starting point.
Next up – Making initial contact however small it may be.
Whether you’re writing a letter, sending an email or picking up the phone. Firstly take the time to make notes on everything you want to say however harsh or damaging.
DON’T SEND.
Re-read the list you’ve created a few days later, maybe with a partner or friend who can just listen. You may feel once the initial blast of emotion from pen to paper has calmed down that you don’t feel the need to call them every name under the sun, a simple list of what has upset you and how you feel is enough.
Now wait… re-read again.
Going over your list once more is another small step into facing your fears and sending this. Exposure is the greatest way to overcome your fears. Meaning the more you re-read, discuss and re-write, the less scary it will feel when it comes to crunch time.
The final question you want to ask yourself is, what’s the worst that can come of this situation?
They reject you? They shout at you? If falling out with a friend is your fear to face, then those reactions won’t be either a shock to you or a first. If it doesn’t go to plan then you haven’t lost anything, you have only gained. Maybe not what you were initially setting out to regain, but facing anxiety and fears is a huge step and one that will you make you a stronger and more confident person.
Try to face one fear this week and see how it makes you feel! More empowered, more confident and a better you!
By Katy Powell