“Strong willed children become adults who change the world as long as we can hang on for the ride and resist the temptation to tame the spirit out of them.”
Some kids are strong willed, stroppy kids – if you’ve got one, you will know what I’m talking about; if you haven’t – then be very grateful. If you have a strong-willed child, be optimistic! Tricky kids often turn out just fine. They have fantastic energy and leadership potential; what parents need to do is not stomp on that powerful nature – their energy just needs to be steered in the right direction.
Therapists have confirmed that strong-willed kids are more willing to do what’s right, rather than what their friends are doing. They reportedly have strong gut reactions that they’ll battle for even when it’s illogical. They go after what they want at any cost.
A key point is tricky kids can wear you down! Remember, parenting is a marathon, not a sprint, so manage your energy wisely. You have a lot of work ahead of you but you don’t have to do it all at once. Pick just one behaviour you would like to promote and encourage, and one behaviour you would like to reduce. Rejoice in your small gains in a few areas: over time they will accumulate. And you need self-maintenance to go the distance. Get enough sleep, simplify your world, have some fun, don’t feel bad about your child going on holiday with relatives or to camps so you can have a break, and look after your relationship with your partner.
One more tip – it’s lovely to talk to your child but don’t do it when they are deaf. During an angry conflict, much of a child’s mental activity is taking place in the basement of the brain – the brain stem and amygdala. That part of the brain is fantastic for frantic battles – quick and reflexive – but it is very unsuitable for cool, reasonable and discussion. If your child is worked up and sparks are flying off him, they can’t hear your logical, clear advice. Save your breath and energy – your reasonable, wise words are being addressed to a part of his brain that isn’t even switched on at the moment. Calm them down, let the emotions settle, and wait for the lights to come on in their cortex and frontal lobes. By the way, if you get steamed up, too, your brain doesn’t work as well either. Cool down and try again when normal brain services are restored.
By John Cowan, The Parenting Place
Improving and equipping families to thrive.
Read more from John and The Parenting place here.