There are many things in life you have some control over. Where you live, what job you do, what friends you have. But no matter how dearly you love your children, when they grow up they come with one factor you can’t control: the in-laws.
How much time you spend with your children’s spouses can be simply down to where the couple is based. If they live just down the road, chances are you’ll feel obliged to see them a lot more than if they’re in another town or overseas. If this is the case you’ll probably see them on Skype occasionally, at Christmas or at family reunions but that’s about it. And you may get on with your in-laws just fine – from a distance.
But what if you have a daughter-in-law who lives down the road but is mentally and/or emotionally distant? Or a son-in-law who always has a few too many beers at the Sunday family lunch and says something inappropriate? When it boils down to it, if they’re not people you get on with then in-laws can be tiring, stressful and embarrassing to deal with.
Like ‘em or loathe ‘em, here are 3 tips for handling your in-laws with patience, consideration and kindness.
- Think of The Kids
Grandchildren can be a big deciding factor of how much time you spend with your in-laws, and mutually caring for children can be a chance to heal rifts in relationships and bring the family group closer together. But if you don’t agree with certain aspects of how they’re being brought up then you’ll need to hold your tongue. Only give advice if you’re asked for it otherwise, you may be seen as ‘interfering’. On the flipside, if you make the effort to get on well with your in-laws and help out on occasion with babysitting, it’s a win-win situation. See our article on the psychological perks or babysitting grandchildren.
- Communicate Well
Personality clashes can be draining but it’s something that can be worked at if you’re open and honest about what you’re feeling to both your children and their spouses. Bottling things up is not a good idea as it can cause pressure cooker situations. Address issues as they arise, don’t judge and be prepared to compromise.
- Look Beyond Appearances
Your in-laws may not be your sort of people, they might come from different backgrounds, they may lack education or alternatively have too much money to throw around. Whatever their deal it’s important to get to know them as people so you feel like you can talk freely and openly if issues do arise. It’s so good everyone involved and worth making the effort to spend some one-on-one time with them to deepen the relationship and look for commonalities after all your child has a few with them so you should too.
At the end of the day, these are the special people in your child’s life, who support and love them. If you are able to forge a good relationship with your son or daughter-in-law’s everyone benefits.