Bullying is terrible. There are lots of ways to battle it but one way I really like is to enlist heroes.
A hero is another kid who will step up and defend the victim. Research showed that when a peer intervenes in a bullying situation, the bullying stops within ten seconds, 57% of the time*. I am not talking about the captain of the first fifteen or the biggest person in the school being a hero, I am just talking about another regular child who steps in and defends the victim.
Why is it so effective? I think because it spoils it for the bully. Most bullying happens because the bully is trying to win the respect and acceptance of his peers. When he finds out that his peers actually disapprove of what he is doing, he will stop really quickly. When the crowd boos instead off applauding, the bully is being taught a very valuable lesson.
Heroes can tell the bully to stop. They can help the victim walk away. They can recruit friends to help the victim. They can befriend the victim. They can get an adult.
I was talking to the deputy principal of a school and how they had dealt with bullying. The school had many strategies but one of the most successful was to shoulder tap a boy (it was a boys’ school) who had dignity and mana, and chum him up with the boy who was being picked on.
It does take guts to be a hero. The big fear is that you will be made a target of bullying yourself. It can happen but not often because a hero who steps up usually has the ultimate bully repellent: poise and assertiveness. Where do you find heroes like that? Inside the hearts of most kids. Just like any kids can be a bully, almost any boy or girl can be a hero.
It has to be appealed to and inspired but that heroic nature, that belief in doing the right thing, it is there inside good kids. They need to believe in the wrongness of bullying and allowing it to happen; they need to believe in their own ability to do something about it. One of most important things they need to hear from you is that even though someone is different, they still deserve your support. They learn that most from your own example of tolerance and respect you show to people who are different.
Parents, inspire your kids to be heroes. They don’t need to have lots of muscles; they just need compassion and courage. They don’t need to use their fists, just their presence, their support for the victim, and some words to let the bully know that it isn’t working, that the victim is not alone, and that the bully is not impressing anyone.
*Reference: Hawkins, D. L., Pepler, D., & Craig, W. M. (2001). Peer interventions in playground bullying. Social Development, 10, 512-527.