When your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you’re barefoot.
When your doctor doesn’t give you x-rays anymore but just holds you up to the light.
When a sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door nearest you.
When you remember when the Dead Sea was only sick.
When your wife says, “Let’s go upstairs and make love” and you answer, “Honey, I can’t do both!”
Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
When you don’t care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don’t have to go along.
You know you’re getting old when your semi-annual erection becomes an annual semi-erection!
You and your teeth don’t sleep together.
Your back goes out, but you stay home.
You wake up, looking like your driver’s license picture.
It takes two tries to get up from the couch.
Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
Happy hour is a nap.
When you step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure that the street is still there.
Your idea of weightlifting is standing up.
It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
Your memory is shorter and your complaining is longer.
The pharmacist has become you new best friend.
It takes twice as long to look half as good.