‘I was in Countdown and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I said, “Are you two an item?” ‘
‘Four fonts walk into a bar the barman says “Oi – get out! We don’t want your type in here” ‘
‘So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says “Your eyes sparkle like diamonds”. I said, “Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck”. ‘
I’m in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite……… one jar.