You know you are addicted to coffee if:
- You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
- You sleep with your eyes open.
- You have to watch movies in fast-forward.
- The only time you’re standing still is during an earthquake.
- You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
- You’ve worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.
- Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
- You chew on other people’s fingernails.
- The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
- You can type sixty words per minute with your feet.
- You can jump-start your car without cables.
- You don’t sweat, you percolate.
- You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realise it’s not plugged in.
- People get dizzy just watching you.
- Instant coffee takes too long.
- You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
- You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
- You short out motion detectors.
- Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
- You help your dog chase its tail.
- You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.
- Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.
- You ski uphill.
- You answer the door before people knock.